Page 40 of Revenge

If he’d cared about you, he would have come after you, broke down the door like heroes did in the movies.

After that, I’d only returned to London when I had no other option. Those times that I did, when he saw me alone, Gerard would put his arm around me or touch me somewhere he shouldn’t. One time I caught him watching me whilst I was swimming.

My mother wasn’t herself and we drifted apart. Kai was hardly ever there as he was running his casino by then. I realised that I missed seeing him, the time apart had gradually erased his ill-treatment of me.

And then came the memory of that night.

I was a summer baby and was due to turn sixteen during the holidays. I had been back from school but felt more relaxed than usual as Gerard was in Ireland.

Kai was still bossy and stand-off-ish with me, but he was more human without his old man there. We had a handful of semi-normal conversations and I felt that old spark return. He didn’t ask me what happened the night of New Year’s Eve and I didn’t bring it up either.

My mother said she was throwing a huge party for my birthday and in Gerard’s absence, invited loads of guests. He allowed it but Kai was given the job of vetting the guest list. I hated that I couldn’t invite Anton. People outside our organisation were not allowed on the Estate for security reasons.

As I continued to stare outside, I saw a glimpse of someone in the garden. It was Kai. He was wearing jogging bottoms and a tank top and was sweating. The wet patch around his neck and arms suggested he’d been running. He looked so good casually dressed.

I watched as he glanced up at my window, my mouth parting as I stepped back, not wanting him to see me.

It wasn’t a surprise that my body reacted to him so viscerally, he was an attractive man, full of confidence and strength, and most women would be drawn to that. But I couldn’t let my guard down, I had gotten things so wrong before.

And it had made me so weak. I would not allow myself to go there again. Giving up even a smidge of control would only allow Kai to bulldoze his way into my life again.

As I wrapped my arms around my body, I inhaled Anton’s scent again. It made me feel safe.

It was hard to believe that Kai had also made me feel that way… once.

The Past

I was drunk and jealous; the weight of both almost suffocating me. Those old feelings I’d harboured about my stepbrother were back.

I could count on one hand the number of times I had seen Kai with a woman; romantically. If you could call the way they were pawing each other that. The painful fact that he had brought a woman to my birthday party was like a kick in the teeth. And to think I had dressed up purposefully, praying that he would see me as something other than an annoying teenager.

I watched slyly from a distance, giving them both the deadeye as his date ran one hand up and down his chest. Kai leaned in and nuzzled her neck. He was nuzzling! At my fucking party. Right in front of me!

His friend was blonde, naturally, I would guess; tall and slim and pretty, in a Disney princess type of way. Her hair was cropped into a pixie cut which suggested she’d be fun and quirky and I hated that. My teeth clenched as I watched her whispering in his ear and the smile her words evoked. Fuck he had a nice smile, especially when it wasn’t of the smug variety; Kai’s signature look.

Scanning the house and gardens, I wondered which family she belonged to, I had never seen her before and bringing anyone to the estate who wasn’t involved in Gerard’s circle of organised crime was forbidden.

I had been standing by the bar set up on the patio, drinking with my friends; if you could call them that. They were the kids of other members of my stepfather’s organisation and so we all had to suck it up and pretend to like each other. I was semi-listening to Kathy Blake and her story about how she broke her finger. It was a droll tale; I’d switched off when she started to name all the bones in the human hand. Thomas Blake, her brother had also given up and had spent the last five minutes trying to see down my dress. Shelly Farmer, my stepfather’s physician's daughter hung on every word like the suck-up she was.

Smiling and nodding, a trait I had become very good at after being absorbed into the Kinlan family, I glanced around. My party included around sixty guests, so it wasn’t a huge affair but Suki had gone to town on the decorations. She was also more like herself, Gerard being away on business.

A huge marquee with seating, a dance floor and a bar had been set up in the gardens of the estate and it was decorated with an assortment of balloons and flower arrangements. It was my sweet sixteenth so I was grateful my mother had done such a super job. It felt nice to have the attention again after being sent away to school; one where I was stuck until I turned eighteen. Well, if my plans with Anton to take Gerard down didn’t go to plan.

Music poured out from where the DJ had set up his equipment in the marquee and I wondered when people would start dancing. I loved to dance, but I wouldn’t be the first on the floor.

Kai’s bit, as I decided to name her was dressed in a black dress that looked at least three sizes too small. But she still looked good, unfortunately. She was probably nice and I had no reason to be a bitch, but she was still wrapped around the source of all my sexual torment.

The dress I had chosen also left little to the imagination. It was a black lace number with a flesh-coloured under slip, almost suggesting I was naked beneath the material, which wasn’t far off the mark. I wore no bra, just a tiny black silk thong and high sandals. The reason I had worn it was to send a message; I wasn’t a little girl anymore, I was a woman; with a woman’s body, heart, mind and most importantly needs.

It was my sixteenth birthday party, and I wanted it to be so much more than just sweet.

When Kathy moved onto other parts of the human body, I tucked my arm through Thomas’s and dragged him down the stone steps onto the grass and through the entrance into the marquee. It wasn’t cool, being the first on the dance floor but I was past caring. I had politely made our excuses and left poor brown-noser Shelly to suffer the rest of Kathy’s story.

Once we got to the dancefloor, a slow number was playing and I placed my arms around Thomas’s neck as we swayed to the sound. He wasn’t tall for a boy and my heels put us on a similar level. I liked the feel of his hand on my hips.

“You smell amazing,” Thomas complimented me.

“Thank you,” I replied. “I love this song.”

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