Page 65 of Shattered Fate

Zarah’s name catches my eye on one of the pages, and I stop eating to read it:

I had some unsupervised time with Zarah on the rooftop tonight—Zane rarely allows it. She’s so hesitant, so lovely, it’s all I can do not to crush her to me and devour her. Under the stars, she let me kiss her, her lips soft and sweet, just like she is. I’ve only known her for a handful of days, but I want to marry her. I don’t know if she’ll have a man like me, even if my father is a senator and we’re upper-class in our own right.

I didn’t know Max considered himself upper-class, but I bet it helped him feel like an equal hanging around the Maddoxes. He might not have eschewed wealth and privilege, often accepting Mom’s invitations and expensive gifts, but he hadn’t jumped in like he could have. He hadn’t driven a fancy car or lived in an area of the city that reflected a desire to be included in those social circles. Rourke and Mom would have paid for him to live somewhere better, just like Mom has offered several times to buy me a condo closer to the heart of the city. It’d be nice not to have a rent payment, but she’d use Rourke’s money and I always turn her down. I don’t have anything against Rourke, but he’s not my father and I don’t want her spending his money on me. Max wouldn’t have had a hangup like that, and maybe if he hadn’t died, he would have used his father’s bank accounts andconnections to stay in Zarah’s league. I know how easy it is to feel not good enough.

That’s what Pop was getting at, at the Grayson’s.

George Michael was right. Sometimes the clothes don’t make the man. My Macy’s jeans and shirts don’t mean I’m not good enough. It’s my integrity and how I’ll care about Zarah’s wellbeing that counts. Perhaps, after some of the richest men in King’s Crossing abusing her, Zarah will see that for herself.

Max wanted to marry her. I wonder if he proposed. I wonder if in her haze of drugs and confusion, she said yes. I’ll have to read more of his journal to find out.

He ends the entry:

I want to kill Ash for what he did, but the devil inside me thanks him, too. Without him selling her, without him locking her away in Quiet Meadows to shut her up, without the drugs, she never would have had a reason to look at me twice. I thank Ash Black with all my heart because he gave me Zarah, and that makes me despicable.

There’s an ink dot next to the word, but nothing else is written there.

Max had a dark side, thanking Fate for what the Blacks did to the entire Maddox family, because let’s be real. The whole thing started when Clayton killed Lark and Kagan to cover up an email sent in error.

What Max gained didn’t last.

My brother isn’t thanking Ashton Black now.

If Zarah and I end up together, neither will I.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Zarah

Today’s packed, and it’s a nice change. I feel like I’m slowly getting my life back. I shower, do my hair and makeup, and choke down my medication while Ingrid watches. I dress in a pair of black leather leggings, a white and black blouse, and a black leather vest. I look cool, sophisticated. Like I could ride on the back of Gage’s motorcycle. If he had one. I try clipping my hair back, but I leave it down and add a brighter lipstick to my lips.

I have a session with Jerricka this morning, the last until after New Year’s, and against my better judgment, I accepted Willow’s invitation to lunch. She’s on house arrest, she explained, and can’t go out, but she would have a meal prepared. I’m curious what she has to say.

Yesterday, Lucille and I looked online and we chose a table that would fit in Gage’s kitchen. I hope he likes it. He said he did, but that would be a little white lie he’d tell me so I wouldn’t feel bad.

I didn’t have much else to do, so Ingrid and I helped Lucille bake and I took a short nap. Stella had a project due in one of her classes and spent all day on campus, and after seeing I was home safely (he was the one at the window), Zane locked himself in his study to work on a merger or something. He skipped dinner, and Stella and Lucille talked about one of Lucille’s charities.

Gage called while I was sleeping, but I didn’t want to seem needy and didn’t call him back, though I wanted to. I’m glad the table gave him an excuse to text me...and for me to invite myself over. I asked Lucille to fix a dish of lasagna to bring tonight for dinner, but I’ll text him first to be sure he likes it.

I push through the swinging doors of the kitchen and Zane and Stella look at me.

I did something wrong. I forgot the dogs were outside and they ran away, or I left water running in the bathtub and it overflowed. Forgot a load of clothes in the dryer and they caught on fire. They wouldn’t blame me if something like that happened, but they wouldn’t keep it from me. Jerricka’s been very clear communication must come first in all things. I won’t know what anyone is thinking or planning if no one tells me. Stella and Lucille are better about it than Zane is, and that might always be. I hope not. I hope once I’m off all the drugs and we can put what Ash did behind us, we can finally move on. Until then, I want Zane to treat me the way he did before, but he still handles me like a glass figurine that could break.

“What?” I ask, helping myself to coffee and coffeecake. “What did I do?”

“Nothing,” Stella says, stabbing a bite of cake on the plate in front of her. “We were busy yesterday and didn’t see you much. How did your date with Gage go?”

Zane clenches his jaw. He doesn’t like I’m seeing him.

“It was nice. We ate dinner at the Sweet Apple, and then we saw a movie. He brought me back to his place and he let me have the bed. Baby slept with me. He brought me home. The end.”

Stella playfully widens her eyes. “No hanky-panky?”

I shake my head. “No. Gage is a gentleman. I told him I’m not ready and he listened. I’m going over there again tonight,” I add casually. It’s difficult living with people who want to know your every move.

“No, you’re not.” Zane stands from the table and his chair screeches across the floor.

“Zane!” Stella says, frowning. “She’s free to do what she likes.”

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