It was true, all of it. And strangely, hearing him say it out loud wasn’t nearly as painful as what he’d said in the study, the two of them in the low circle of light from the fire with the door closed against the rest of the world.
My god, Anna, why do you give no value to the best parts of yourself?
With his voice low and urgent in her ear and his hands holding her tight, she’d allowed herself to believe.
Of all the women I’ve known, I choose you.
Lies, lies, LIES! And she’d licked them up like sugar from his palm.
Shame spiked again and she breathed hard against it. Anxious, sucking breaths that only pushed the humiliation deeper into her hidden corners. How had she let herself believe that Julian wanted to marry her, when her own grandfather didn’t love—
“Anna?” said Charlotte.
“I’m not marrying him!” Anna said in a choked voice. “Oh god. I suppose you’d better call for the carriage after all, because I can’t stay with your grandmother any longer.”
Charlotte jumped to her feet. “What nonsense! Gran and I have already spoken and she’ll box my ears if I let you leave. You’re welcome here as long as you’d like.”
Anna slumped down onto the terrace steps. “I won’t need to stay long. I know I can sell the horses quickly if I put my mind to it.”
The only reason she hadn’t sold them already was because she’d begun to hope… Oh, how could she have been so stupid?
“If you ask me, Julian didn’t mean a word he said.” Charlotte sat down next to her, her hand hovering above Anna’s shoulder. “He’s been acting so strangely, you see, andIthink it’s because—”
But once again, Anna wasn’t listening. Her anger and hurt whirled together, forming an idea so brash that it sat up and demanded attention. She didn’t want to sell the horses, pension off the servants, and plonk herself down somewhere obscure to suffer in silence. She wanted toracethe horses, damn it!
Charlotte read Anna’s face. “What are you scheming?”
Anna sat up and swiped at her eyes. “How much have we won gambling so far?”
“I’d have to check the last race, but I imagine at least a hundred pounds by now.”
Anna frowned. “Fifty pounds each. It’s not bad.”
“One hundred pounds each, actually. Why? What’s your plan?”
Anna took a deep breath, crushing all her feelings down into a little leaden ball that sat heavy in the pit of her stomach. “I want to own a racing stable. A real one, with my own name on it. I want the whole world to know what Archer and his line can do.”
“And you’re wondering if you can manage it by gambling.” Charlotte frowned. “How much would you need?”
“I wouldn’t have to buy all Chatham’s horses. Just a few of the best would be enough to start my own stable and pension theservants. I’d have to find a yard, pay the grooms, cover the feed and fees…” Anna ran the numbers through her head. “I could just about make it with five thousand pounds.”
Charlotte sat back and sucked in her cheeks. “Five thousand pounds!”
“Oh dear. I’m in trouble if that number shocks even you.”
Charlotte didn’t answer. Instead, she concentrated, calculating madly. As the seconds ticked by and Charlotte remained silent, Anna’s hopes fell, but before she could say anything—or perhaps kick her friend to make sure she was breathing—Charlotte’s face cleared.
“Five thousand pounds?” Her lips curved into a decidedly criminal grin. “We’d better get started, don’t you think?”
CHAPTER21
LADY ANNA,PLEASE!” THE DANCINGmaster, thoroughly exasperated, stopped mid-step. “You must not drag me around the room so!”
Anna plastered a smile on her face. She was grateful, she reminded herself for the thousandth time, that the Dowager had taken her so firmly under her wing. But gratitude was proving to be a damned slippery emotion—Anna never managed to hang on to it once dancing lessons began.
It’s just for a little while longer, Anna reminded herself. She and Charlotte had put their heads together and planned to launch their expanded gambling racket in one week’s time, at a dinner party the Dowager was hosting to introduce Anna to society.
“I apologize, Monsieur Gion,” Anna said, careful to keep her voice even. As the Dowager reminded her frequently, young ladies mustn’t growl. “It’s only—you’ve chosen such a leisurely pace. Can’t we hurry up and be done?”