Page 118 of The Trouble with Anna

His hand clamped down on her arm. “Is it Gran? Tell me quickly. Is that why you’ve come?”

Anna shook her head. “No, of course not! It’s nothing like that.”

“Oh god. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine! I promise!”

“Then why, my lightning”—his voice was so damned gentle that Anna’s mouth began to quiver—“are you crying?”

“Oh!” She touched her face. “It’s j-just r-r-rain.”

But there was no use lying. Not when her shoulders were shaking, her face was pruned with misery, and her face had sprung two gushing leaks where her eyes were meant to be.

“Of all the—” Julian yanked her into his arms, holding her against him and tucking his chin over her head for good measure. “Please don’t cry. We’ll fix whatever’s wrong, I promise.”

But kindness is terrible at drying up tears. Kindness encourages a good, sensible sob, and Anna cracked open. Julian could only hold her as she tried her best to pull herself together, until at last she took an unsteady breath, wiped her cheeks, and pushed back from him.

“What’s all this about?” he asked, impossibly gentle.

Oh, hell, how to answer? She’d practiced, but the rain and tears had combined to wash her wits away. “Charlotte’s mother came to see me,” Anna began. “She said it was to give me a present, but it didn’t feel like—”

“Charlotte’s mother? What the devil did she say to upset you?”

“That’s just it, Julian!” Anna began to pace back and forth. “In her strange way, I think she was trying to help. She told me about your guardian—”

“She told you what?”

Anna wheeled on him and the poor horse stamped nervously. “She told me all the things you never did! She said he stole from you and betrayed you. She said that was why you offered for me, because you know what it’s like to—”

“Christ, Anna, and you trust that viper over me? She was partof it—she orchestrated the whole plan, and I could do nothing because she’s Charlotte’s mother. Did she tell you that?”

Oh. Anna felt her mouth fall open.

All at once everything seemed so clear—his fury at the Countess, his mistrustfulness and great need to control. A surge of anger rose up in Anna, but it only made her errand more urgent. So many people had taken from Julian. How could she steal another piece of him away?

“I’m so sorry,” Anna said and her voice was shaking. “I hate that she came to me, but I hate even more that you never did. I couldn’t understand it—why you insisted that we marry from the first. You wouldn’t talk about it, or listen. You simply offered for me, over and over, and the worst part is you got better at it.” She gave a shaky laugh. “You should have seen how appalled you looked the first time.”

Julian’s face went deathly white. “Oh god. Oh, my lightning, what a fool I was. But everything’s changed. Surely you see that?”

“I do see it. I wanted to howl when the Countess told me her story. I wanted to stand by your side and throw rocks at the world! But I also recognized the man she described, and”—the taste of salt crawled up Anna’s throat and threatened to leak out of her eyes—“most of all I want you to be free. Julian, if these past months have proven anything, it’s that I can stand on my own two feet. I’ll be fine without you, I promise.”

“You’ll be fine, will you?” Julian looked strange, almost flattened.

“Yes! I’ll be marvelous. Look!” She reached into her coat and thrust a sodden mass of legal documents at his chest.

“Anna, I don’t care—”

“Just read it. Please!”

He gave her one last, searching glance and turned his attentionto the papers. His eyebrows wrinkled together. “What did your grandfather—”

“He left me Chatham! Outright! So you see, there’s no need at all for us to marry, none at all! Unless… unless…”

God, was she really going to say it? It felt raw and unnatural, like peeling off her skin. Anna began to shake, but she fisted her hands and raised her face to his. He deserved the truth, every last bit of it.

“The thing is, Julian, I love you. Quite desperately. I love every bit of you, even the parts I’d like to pummel. You have to see—you must see!—how wretchedly cruel it would be to marry me unless…” She shook her head. “I won’t have you trapped. You deserve to make a choice. You deserve to know everything and put your happiness first for once.”

Julian grabbed her and crushed her against his chest. ““Oh, my cloth-head, you are my happiness! What the hell do you think I’ve been doing these past few months, if not losing my mind over you?”

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