Page 12 of Singing For His Kiss

CHAPTER FIVE

“I’m not interested.” Her voice was low and flat.

He sent her a perplexed look. “I haven’t told you why I’d like you to stay.”

“I have a good idea of what men like you want, and I’m still not interested.” She tried to put as much frost into her voice as she could. She turned, feeling the heat of his gaze on her back.

She expected to feel his hand on her shoulder. What she didn’t expect was the soft curse he uttered. She stopped, turned, glanced at him over her shoulder. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking as horrified as she felt.

“Hell. I didn’t mean how that sounded. Again. My apologies. This day has been… exhausting.”

His voice cracked. Whether it was his genuine concern or look of shock, she didn’t know, but it calmed her. She swallowed, forcing her heart to quit trying to beat a path out of her chest.

He sighed, bringing his hands to his sides. “I’m asking for Madeline.”

Elizabeth slowly faced him again, crossing her arms over her chest. She didn’t say anything, just waited for him to speak.

“Madeline needs someone who cares about her,” James said.

“What about her mother?” Elizabeth snapped. OK, divorce if you have to, but don’t also leave your child. In her book, it was inexcusable.

“Hanna – Madeline’s mother – died when she was a baby.”

The anguish in James’ voice was enough to elicit a gasp out of her. She’d gotten it all wrong. It made sense. The grandmotherly housekeeper he hired. The huge photo in Madeline’s bedroom. The way he doted on Madeline, trying to make up a loss that could never be filled.

She let her arms drop to her sides, then took a small step towards him, her heart breaking for Madeline. “I’m so sorry.”

“Madeline never knew her.” James’ mouth flattened into a tense line, bracketed by white lines at either end of his mouth.

Elizabeth swallowed. Hurt for Madeline and a loss of a mother washed through her. “That must have been hard.” She hated it when words were lame, but it was all she could offer.

James treated her to a tight smile. “Mrs. D’llessio is the closest thing Madeline has to a mother...well, grandmother.”

“There’s been no one else? No grandparents?”

James shook his head. “My parents. They do what they can. Hanna’s parents passed away in a car accident before we met. It’s really just me and Maria looking after Madeline. Now that she’s growing up, it is harder for Maria to keep up with her.” He paused, placing his hands on his hips. His posture tensed. “Which brings me to my—honorary —proposition.” A faint smile touched his lips and disappeared just as fast. “I would like to ask if you’d stay on for a little while and be Madeline’s nanny. That is, if you don’t have another job you’re traveling to. Excuse me for asking, but from the sounds of it, you’re in-between jobs and I have a position to be filled.”

A mix of emotions washed through her. How could she even have imagined he’d wanted her, when all he was thinking about was a nanny to his child? As if he’d ever want someone like her. A jackaroo, for god’s sake. An uncouth woman who couldn’t even hold a glass of wine. Should she tell him she could keep up with the more than colourful language of the Homestead and in most cases outdid the men?

The list of 'against’s certainly outstacked the list of 'for’s. He just didn’t know that yet. Besides, she had to keep moving. Had no choice. Staying here with this unexpected proposition would normally be a fantastical godsend, but not now. Not from what—who—she was running from. She shouldn’t have even gotten off the bus. It had only been on a whim to see the ocean. Such a stupid, stupid whim. She should have been halfway to Melbourne by now.

“I can’t. I mean, I’ve never looked after a child before. I have no qualifications. I can’t offer you, or her, anything.”

James rubbed the back of his neck. “I know this is rushed. That we’ve barely met. It’s just that you're so good with Madeline. And she is good with you. She genuinely likes you. She hasn’t connected like anyone like this. She’s so shy. Fragile. I thought you might be looking for some work and we could help each other out.”

She was so tempted. So, so tempted. Why did things like this have to happen at the worst of times? She’d never caught a break in her entire life. What made her think now would be any different?

She offered him a smile in what she hoped would soften her answer. “I meant it when I said Madeline is a lovely child. You should be proud. It’s just that…”

She couldn’t afford to tell him the real reasons she couldn’t stay. Besides, the things she’d been involved with at the Wanderers Homestead didn’t make for good nanny material. Criminals didn’t become nannies to innocent children. She couldn’t bring her baggage to a little girl or a single dad just trying to do his best.

“Believe me, you’re better off without me around.”

Another little reason niggled. Although James was way out of her league, she liked the way he looked at her. Talked to her. Considered her. As though she had value. Worth. The danger was that she could get used to that, give her more reason to stay, and that was something she vowed she'd never do again. Don’t get attached. Don’t ever put your heart on the line for any man ever again. That was her gut, and her new resolution was to listen to her gut.

But, her gut said, you already like Madeline. You already like James. You could be happy here. This is an amazing opportunity that just fallen into your lap.

With a mental growl, she shut her gut down. If she couldn’t listen to her gut or head, then she had to learn by past experiences, and those told her to clear the hell away.

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