Page 45 of Crossroads of Love

I always told her that I didn’t want kids. The truth was, kids don’t bother me, but the idea of being a parent with Sarah didn’t sit right with me.

Now I know why.

Rejection is protection, isn’t that what they say?

When we arrive at the farm, the sky is beginning to darken, casting long shadows over the fields. I park the car and glance at my niece, who stares out the window. The fading lightilluminates her face, and for a moment, she looks so much like Aaron it makes my breath catch.

“Let’s get inside,” I say, forcing myself to shake off the feeling. “We’ll make some dinner, maybe play a game or something.”

She doesn’t respond but picks up her pillow as I grab the rest of her bags and follows me inside. The farmhouse is old, but it has a warmth to it, a familiarity that I hadn’t realized I missed until I came back. I’d gotten the generator going earlier, so the lights flicker on as we walk through the front door. Jayla drops her bag by the couch and sits down, pulling out her phone and plugging it into the charger.

“I can make some spaghetti,” I offer, knowing it’s one of the few meals I can cook without burning the house down.

Jayla looks up at me, giving me a small smile. “Sure.”

As I busy myself in the kitchen, I hear a movie starting on her phone. Jayla has settled in, watching something I don’t recognize, but it doesn’t matter. It’s good to see her relaxing, even if only for a little while. While I cook, we talk, and I quickly do a little work from my phone, trading some stocks and checking the market for my clients. I stop when the slow internet leaves me frustrated.

After we eat, I pull out an old board game from the closet. We played it when Aaron and I were kids, though I can’t remember the last time we played it together. Jayla is a lot better at it than I expected, and before long, we are both laughing, caught up in the game.

I really miss spending time with my niece. She’s something special.

After the game, Jayla yawns, her eyes drooping as the exhaustion catches up with her. I help her settle on the couch with a blanket, and she falls asleep watching her movie, her phone still plugged into the charger. I stand there for a while,just watching her sleep, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to fill the shoes Aaron left behind.

I’ve done great with the teenage boys at the center, but I have no experience with teenage girls.

He didn’t ask you to. It’s not your responsibility. She has a mother to take care of her.

My thoughts flit back to Lena and our encounter in the pantry. She hasn’t changed; still as beautiful and sensual as she was in her twenties. Now, she is even more confident and sexy than she was then.

My pants tighten at the thought of her. I clear my throat and walk back to the kitchen table, cleaning up the board game. When that’s done and everything else is cleaned up in the kitchen, I head into the small office at the back of the house. It’s cluttered with old files and papers, things my father left behind when he passed. I haven’t had the energy to go through any of it, but tonight is different. Maybe it is the quiet or the weight of everything left unsaid between my father and me, but I feel drawn to the desk, to the letter Lena dropped off earlier.

Pulling the envelope from the drawer where I’d stashed it, I sit down. The handwriting is neat, precise, and almost formal. I stare at it for a long time before I finally open it. Inside is a single sheet of paper, folded carefully in half. As I unfold it, my father’s words stare back at me, and I feel a strange mix of anger and curiosity in my chest.

Gavin,

If you’re reading this, then I’m gone, and there’s nothing left to say between us. At least, nothing I could say in life. I know we never saw eye to eye, and I know you’ve always wondered why things were the way they were between us. I wasn’t a good father to you. I know that. But there are things you don’t know and need to understand if you’re ever going to find peace in your life.

I made a mistake all those years ago when I told you to stay away from Lena. Aaron was different with her. He was calm, thought about consequences, and wanted to be the best version of himself for her, but he got messed up with the wrong crowd. Lena tried so damn hard to save him.

I used my position as sheriff to keep your brother out of jail, and I’m not proud of that. He only joined the Army because he had no other choice. Even that didn’t get him on the straight and narrow, though. It only made things worse.

I put too much on Lena’s shoulders because I thought she was the only one who could bring him back into the light, but I was wrong. I sentenced her to a life of misery, shattered my relationship with you, and allowed my other son to ruin the laws he was meant to uphold. I can never apologize enough.

I had reasons for keeping all this hidden, but I’m not sure they were right. Maybe I should have told you years ago, but it’s too late for that now. All I can do is leave you with this: Look deeper. The answers are there if you’re willing to find them.

You may not want to, and I wouldn’t blame you for that. But if you choose to dig, you might finally understand why I did what I did.

Please, take the gift of remaining at the farm for the year for the gift that it is. Get to know Lena again, fall in love with her all over again. Build a relationship with your niece and come back to the small-town roots that made you the good man you are.

I’ve always been so proud of you, Gavin, and I’m sorry I’m only just now telling you in a letter.

I hope, someday, you can forgive me.

Dad

Tears fill my eyes, and I can’t keep them from falling. For the first time in my life, my dad told me he was proud of me. I’vespent my entire life chasing those words, and now that I have them, I don’t feel anything but sadness.

I read the letter twice, trying to make sense of it, but the words feel cryptic, almost like a riddle.

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