When we’re outside, standing near the side entrance where no one can see us, she lets go of my wrist and crosses her arms, staring at me with that same intensity from earlier.
“What are you doing here, Gavin?” she asks.
“It’s my father’s funeral,” I say.
“You haven’t spoken to him in eighteen years,” she shoots back. “You abandoned everyone. You didn’t even show up when Aaron died. And now,what? You think you can just waltz back into town and play the dutiful son?”
Mike said something similar.What’s up with that?
Irritation fills me as I clench my jaw, feeling my pulse quicken. “I had my reasons for leaving, Lena. Life got complicated.”
He told me to stay away from you, and I…It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell her that truth. She’s not ready for it.
“Complicated? That’s what you’re going with?”
“Dad and I didn’t get along. I had a life outside of this town, responsibilities—”
“You think I don’t know that?” Her voice rises slightly. “You think I don’t get what it’s like to have a life outside of Hicks Creek? But you didn’t just leave, Gavin. You cut us all off.”
My chest tightens with guilt. “I didn’t …”
She laughs, but there is no humor in it. “Didn’t mean to? Do you even hear yourself? You didn’t mean to disappear? To actlike your family didn’t matter anymore? Henry needed you when Aaron died. Jayla…”
I take a step closer to her, lowering my voice. “I had my reasons. I couldn’t stay here, Lena. Not after everything.”
“After everything? What are you even talking about? Your brother died, and your niece called and texted you so many times, begging you to come see her. Your dad did the same thing. All he wanted was to make amends before it was too late. And you ignored them all.”
But you never called me.That’s the one thought that keeps sticking out. Had she called and asked me to come home, I would have.
“You think I don’t live with that every day? But I had my own demons to fight. I couldn’t—”
“That’s not what anyone asked you to do. We just wanted you to be here.”
We?
I don’t know what to say. The guilt I had buried for years bubbles to the surface, threatening to drown me. Lena stands there, staring at me, waiting for something—an explanation, an apology, or maybe both.
“I thought staying away was the best thing I could do.”
She shakes her head, her curls bouncing with the movement. “You always did think hiding or staying away was the answer, didn’t you? You were wrong.”
I don’t know what else to say. I turn to leave, not really in the mood to hear her reiterate my past transgressions when they’re already on a loop in my head.
“I didn’t want to do this today. Not here, not now. But seeing you again… it just brought everything back,” she says before I can move.
“I didn’t come here to make things harder for you.”
“Then whydidyou come?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper now. “Because it sure as hell wasn’t for your dad.”
“I don’t know,” I finally admit. “I guess I thought I owed it to him to at least show up.”
“You can’t just show up and expect things to be okay. You can’t swoop in here and take things from Jayla, either. Not after everything. You think the people in this town don’t know how you talk about them, about your own family. How you abandoned us when we needed you the most. You think that Jayla doesn’t know how much you hate Hicks Creek and your dad? She thinks you hate her…”
I suck in a breath, surprised by that revelation.
I could never hate Jayla.She can’t really think that, can she?
“I know I can’t fix it, but I’m going to try.”