“Thanks so much for your belief in me.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe in you, Gav. I just know what you’ve been through and what you had to give up.”
Lena.
“I was never the son he wanted. It’s all water under the bridge, though. He’s gone now. I will never have to return to that house or this damn town again.”
“So screw all of us, huh? What about Jayla?”
“I can have a relationship with my niece from the city,” I answer quickly, thinking about my late brother’s daughter.
“You really can’t. And you only believe that because you’re too scared to face Lena.”
That too.
The light changes, and I force the car forward, trying to shake off the bitterness in my chest. I left this place for a reason. The sooner I get this funeral over with, the sooner I can leave all this behind for good.
“It has nothing to do with Lena. She ran straight back into Aaron’s arms. I was a holding place, that’s all.”
“Whatever you have to tell yourself.” She sighs. “I know I can’t argue with you about the validity of that statement.”
I can’t stop the memories of her that come flooding back.
The way she smiled at me. Her laughter. The way she moaned my name.
I shake my head and let out a long groan.
She was always meant for Aaron, not me. He was the golden boy and the perfect man.
“You’ll be there tomorrow, right?”
“Of course, cuz. I won’t let you do this alone. You’re my brother, cousin,” she teases. “I think you should talk to Lena, though. I mean, you’ll have to.”
We were born only two days apart, and our mothers were as close as sisters. We would always jokingly refer to Alicia as our sister.
Relationships don’t work. People lie. They cheat and steal even from the people they supposedly love the most.
I roll down the window, letting the cool country air hit my face. It doesn’t help. I’m too wired, too strung out from all the ghosts crawling back into my life the moment I crossed the town line.
Sarah, my ex-wife, proved that you can’t trust anyone regardless of how badly you want to.
I pass the high school and the football field where I spent so many Friday nights playing under the lights with my parents watching from the stands. My dad always judging.
The resentment rises again, hot and bitter in my throat. I had to get away from him, from this damn town. That’s why I left, why I cut ties. But no matter how many years have passed or how much distance I put between us, I can never quite outrun the feeling that I failed everyone I came in contact with.
I drive past Miss Betty’s diner, the place where Aaron and I used to hang out after games, drinking milkshakes and talking about the future.
“There’s no reason to talk to Lena. Want to get a beer with me tonight?” I ask.
“I would love to, but Gary is pulling a double at the hospital. I don’t have anyone to watch the kids. And I can’t drink whenthey’re home. Also, there’s every reason to talk to Lena. She and Henry were very close. He tried to help as much as he could with Aaron’s estate. That’s why he kept reaching out to you.”
Phone calls I purposely sent to voicemail. I had nothing to say to my father.
I see the sign for Main Street coming up, and my stomach flips again. I know what’s next. I know what’s just around the corner.
Lena and Aaron’s house.
I slow down as I approach it, my hands sweating against the steering wheel. The house looks just like it did in the Christmas cards they sent me every year. It looks exactly as it did in all the FaceTime calls my brother would make to me while he wore his Hicks Creek sheriff's uniform.