Page 71 of The Shots You Take

The hurt was obvious in Adam’s eyes, but he nodded. “I guess I deserve that.”

He did deserve it, but right now Riley couldn’t remember why.

“Fuck,” he said, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. You made dinner and…” He gestured to the flowers. “And you’re here, and you’regay. Like, I haven’t even talked to you about that, really, because it fucking terrifies me for some reason.”

Adam’s eyebrows shot up. “Terrifies you?”

“It’s just, are you—I mean—” Riley gave himself a moment to gather words together. “You said you’ve been with other men, but you don’t have any gay friends.”

“That’s right.”

“I hate that.”

Adam’s lips quirked up. “Which part?”

“Not having friends!” Of course it was also the other part, but Riley wouldn’t admit that. “That sounds terrible. How are you even, like, dealing with it all?”

Adam shrugged his good shoulder. “How did you deal with it?”

“Horribly.”

Adam let out a tired, rueful laugh. “Yeah. Well, same.”

“Do your parents know?”

Adam grimaced. “They know. I think they’re mostly choosing to ignore it.”

Riley wasn’t surprised. “I’m sorry.”

“Anyway,” Adam said. “It doesn’t really matter. I’m forty-one, they’re in their seventies and spend most of the year in Arizona. I mean, who cares what they think, right?”

Adam cared. That’s who. And Riley wanted to drive to Arizona to yell at the Sheppards.

“What about your brother?”

“Cal’s been okay about it. He didn’t really understand why I’d want to tell anyone.”

Riley rolled his eyes. He’d only met Adam’s younger brother a few times, but he wasn’t a big fan. Cal lived in Vancouver and had a job that had something to do with finance. “Let me guess: be gay if you want but don’t rub other people’s faces in it?”

“I wouldn’t say it was that bad, but something in that neighborhood, yeah. I think he’s mostly just worried about me. Or about my legacy, anyway. Like I’ll be a joke instead of a future Hall of Famer as soon as I come out publicly.”

“Do you plan to come out publicly?”

“I guess. I don’t know what the alternative would be. I don’t want to hide forever.”

Riley absorbed this information. It was surreal, talking about this with Adam. He’d never in a million years imagined Adam Sheppard being out and proud. “You don’t have to make a big announcement, if you don’t want.”

“I know, but wouldn’t it be helpful if I did? Like, it could change the way some people think, maybe. Or inspire some kids to stick with hockey.”

“It could be helpful,” Riley agreed. “But do it because you want to, not because you think you need to.”

Adam tilted his head. “I guess you’re out but not, y’know,out.”

“I live a small life here. No one in the hockey world pays any attention to me anymore. I’m as out as I need to be.”

“I’d like to live a small life, I think,” Adam said wistfully. “My life is way too complicated.”

“Sorry you’re so rich and famous.”

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