Page 33 of The Shots You Take

Riley exhaled. He could do this. “He’s someone I…let’s say had a crush on. But a long time ago.”

“How long ago?” Darren asked.

“It’s been twelve years since I’d last spoken to him.”

He could see Darren doing the math in his head. “Is this a hockey player?” Darren finally asked. “Oh! That superstar guy. Everyone was talking about him at your mom’s house after the funeral. What’s his name again?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Riley said, at the same moment Tom said, “Adam Sheppard.” When both Riley and Darren stared at him, Tom said, “I used to live in Toronto, remember?”

“All right,” Riley said. “Fine. Yes, it’s him.”

“Okay, so you had a crush on this guy when you were teammates?”

Calling it a crush was such a massive understatement, butRiley nodded anyway. “You can’t tell anyone. I’m not here to out anyone, I just—” Shit.Shit.Riley hadn’t meant to say that.

Darren’s eyes widened. “So not just a one-sided thing then?”

“Fuck. Never mind.”

Tom put a hand on Riley’s arm. “You know we won’t tell anyone.”

Riley held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. “It was more than a crush,” he admitted. “But that’s all I’m going to say about it. Anyway, he showed up at the shop today to help me out. He brought coffee and cinnamon buns and did a bunch of work.”

“Oh,” Darren said. “That sounds…terrible?”

“Itisterrible,” Riley insisted. “He’s making me remember things I’ve worked hard to forget.”

“Bad things?” Darren looked fierce, like he’d murder Adam without question if Riley asked.

“Bad things, yeah. But the good things are maybe the worst of it.”

“You still feel something for him,” Tom guessed.

“No,” Riley said quickly. “I don’t. Ican’t, I—fuck. I’m so messed up right now, but he’s suddenly here and, I don’t know. It’s been a long time, but it almost feels like it hasn’t been.”

“He’s still hot, huh?” Darren said.

“God,” Riley sighed. “He’s even hotter.”

“I mean,” Darren said slowly, “this doesn’t sound like theworstsituation.”

Riley was going to have to dig a little deeper to make his friends understand. “He broke my heart,” he blurted out. “Like, fucking crushed it. And then he did it again.”

“When? Today?”

“No, back then.” Even though Riley had just said he wouldn’t go into detail, he heard himself saying, “We used to fool around sometimes, nothing serious. At least not for him.But I was in love with him. I told him, he laughed at me, and I had to keep going somehow. We stayed friends, and I watched him get married and have kids and be heterosexual, while I fucking fell apart inside. Then, years later, he kind of threw himself at me, and I was so fucking happy. I thought maybe he was going to choose me after all, but instead he freaked out after and said it was a mistake and it could never happen again. That he loved his wife, that he wasn’t gay. All that.”

“That,” Darren said, “is fucked up.”

“And I know I’m an asshole for sleeping with a married man, no matter our history. I fuckingknow, but I wasn’t strong enough to say no. Not if there’d been a chance he might choose me.”

“Jesus, Riley,” Tom said. “How come you never told us before?”

“Mostly because I just want to forget about him.”

“But now he’s here,” Darren said. “He’s still here?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave.”

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