Page 20 of The Shots You Take

“Sounds romantic.”

Riley held his gaze for a long moment, eyes narrowed, while Adam squirmed. “Sorry,” Adam finally said. “I’m nervous.”

“Is that what you think?” Riley said. “That I’m all alone here, no one to love me but my dog?”

“No,” Adam said quickly. Leave it to Riley to jump to the most extreme conclusions. “I’m sure you…date…people. Have relationships, um.” He swallowed, but it didn’t stop the next question from escaping. “Are you? Dating a…person?”

Another endless, agonizing moment, and then Riley said, “A man. I would be dating a man, because I’m gay.” He let that hang there a moment, then added, “I’m a gay man. You know, that thing you said we definitely weren’t? I am.”

Adam’s heart pounded in his ears. He was mortified by the reminder that he had, indeed, said that. Most horribly he’d said it just minutes after being inside Riley, still tingling from how good it had felt. After Riley had looked at him seriously and said, “I love you, you know,” and Adam’s whole world had stopped. His heart had been pounding just like it was now. Riley had been breathtaking in that moment, flushed and messy and vulnerable, holding his heart in both hands for Adam to take. Adam knew now, like he’d known then, how hard it must have been for Riley to say those words. To offer himself to Adam.

And Adam had laughed at him. Laughed at him and had said something like, “Dude, we’re not like that. Come on.” Because Adam was a fucking coward.

He could be brave now. This was where he could tell him.I’m gay too.The opportunity was gift wrapped, but instead he said, “So you’re not dating anyone now?”

“Jesus Christ,” Riley grumbled. He set his coffee on the counter, then walked to a stack of boxes against the far wall.

“I just mean,” Adam said, the words tumbling out of him now like the world’s most useless fountain, “it must be challenging, in a small town like this?”

“Finding men to fuck, you mean?” Riley asked flatly as he extracted a box cutter from his back pocket. “Or do you mean hiding? Because I don’t do that anymore.” He sliced open the top box, his back still to Adam.

“That’s good,” Adam said. “Not hiding. That’s good. That’s great. And it’s been okay? Everyone’s been…okay?”

Riley huffed, and Adam was sure he was rolling his eyes. “Everyone? No. But the people I care about are cool with it.”

Adam nodded enthusiastically, even though Riley wasn’t looking at him. “Glad to hear it. It’s nice to be supported.”

Riley did turn then. He looked Adam directly in the eyesand said, cold as ice, “Yeah. It is.” Then he thrust the open box at him. “If you want to help, you can hang these practice jerseys up. Smallest to largest, left to right. That rack over there. I’ll get you some hangers.”

“Right. Okay. No problem.” Adam walked to the mostly empty rack, then set the box on the floor. His shoulder complained from carrying the box, and his back complained from putting it down. He ignored both, removed his coat, and draped it over the hockey stick display next to him. He would do an amazing job of hanging up these jerseys, and he would keep his mouth shut.

“Here,” Riley said from behind him. He was holding a large plastic bin full of hangers. “If you see any holes or stains on any of the jerseys, let me know.”

“Got it.”

Riley headed to the back room with two unopened boxes, leaving Adam alone with a box of jerseys and his thoughts. The mindless task of inserting hangers into shirts did nothing to distract his brain from everything Riley had just said and all the memories his words had kicked up. All the regrets.

What if Adam hadn’t laughed at Riley’s declaration of love all those years ago? What if Adam had let himself feel all the things his heart had been screaming for, instead of immediately throwing up a wall? What if he’d fucking appreciated how lucky he could have been—how lucky hehadbeen—to have someone as wonderful as Riley Tuck be in love with him?

It would have been impossible, he told himself now, the same way he’d told himself for years.We never could have been together.

Riley emerged from the back wearingglassesand frowning at a piece of paper. Adam shouldn’t have been surprised by the reading glasses—they were both over forty now, and Adam had started using them himself a few years ago—but he was. The glasses, the beard, the faded red hair, the dog, the exhaustionin Riley’s eyes—they all reminded Adam of the time he’d lost. He’d known Riley when they’d both been young, at their physical peaks. Now Adam’s body felt like it was falling apart, and Riley looked…

Adam forced his lungs to take a breath. Riley looked perfect. Sad and tired, but so handsome and strong. So comfortable in who he was. Adam had never knownthatRiley.

Riley muttered something at the paper, which made Adam blink and turn his attention back to the jerseys. He wrestled a small jersey onto a hanger, his fingers feeling thick and clumsy. It wouldn’t have been impossible, being with Riley; it would have beendifficult, and that wasn’t the same thing. They would have had to hide, but hadn’t they done that anyway? If Adam had been braver, they could have hidden together. They could have teased each other when they’d worn their reading glasses for the first time, when they’d both started to get gray hairs. They could have picked out a dog together, and a house. Adam could have caressed Riley’s face one morning, observed that his beard was filling in, and Riley could have shyly admitted he was growing it out. Trying something new.

Adam swallowed hard, then took the next jersey out of the box.

He worked in silence for about half an hour, wishing Riley would talk to him. When he’d hung the last jersey, Adam said, “Done.”

“Okay,” Riley said, without any interest in his tone. He was on the other side of the shop, seemingly making some repairs to a clothing rack.

Adam sighed and walked over to a pile of baseball socks near some empty wall hooks. “Want these hung up?”

“If you want.”

Adam hung baseball socks neatly by size and color. Then he did the same for jockstraps, batting gloves, and belts. Heshelved tennis balls, batting helmets, mouth guards, and water bottles. Other than giving quick confirmations that Adam was putting things in the right places, Riley ignored him. Lucky came to check on him a few times, so Adam chatted the poor dog’s ear off out of boredom.

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