Page 17 of The Shots You Take

Riley paced the room for a moment, then said, “Did you think I’d actuallywantto see you?”

“No. I didn’t think that.”

“Then why. The fuck. Are you here?”

Adam scrambled for the right words, and ended up blurting out honest ones, “Because I wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you—” He stopped himself when he realized how stupid the end of that sentence was going to be.

“You wanted to make sure I’m okay? Well, I’m fucking not.”

“Of course not. I know. And I’m making it worse. I’m sorry.”

Riley huffed and looked away. He had a well-groomed beard now, which really suited him. Adam had only ever let his own facial hair grow beyond stubble during the playoffs, and had always been keen to shave the beard off as soon as he could. Riley looked good, though. Rugged and handsome. His reddish hair was lighter than it used to be, closer to strawberry blond, which hid any gray hairs he might have.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you,” Riley said.

Adam took a careful step toward him. “You can say anything to me.”

Riley met his gaze and held it, anger flashing in his eyes. “Can I?”

Adam’s cheeks heated with shame. The words “I’m in love with you, you know” echoed across seventeen years, followed by the sound of Adam’s dismissive laughter.

“What would you like to talk about,Shep?” Riley crossed the room in long strides until he was inches away from Adam.“You gave me your hotel room number. What were you hoping for?”

Riley’s eyes were like storm clouds, and his voice sounded like distant thunder. Adam’s lips parted involuntarily, and he may have gasped.

Riley’s gaze dropped to Adam’s mouth. He placed a hand on Adam’s chin, holding him there, tilting his head back slightly. Adam’s heart raced and his cock stirred.

“Maybe,” Riley said, “you thought I’d want to escape my problems by sucking your dick for a bit, hm?”

“N-no.”

Riley studied his face for a moment, so close Adam could feel his breath on his lips. He shouldn’t want Riley to kiss him. Not like this.

“Nah,” Riley said. “Of course you don’t want that. You’re too sober, right?”

Adam closed his eyes. “That’s not—”

Then Riley let him go and retreated to the other side of the room. He raised a fist at the wall, but stopped himself before punching.

Adam sat on the bed, breathing hard. Riley wouldn’t hurt him. He wouldn’t kiss him, but he wouldn’t hurt him either.

Riley paced a bit, then sat in the chair Adam had offered earlier, knees spread with his elbows resting on the metal arms. For a long moment, there was silence, then Riley said, quietly, “This week has been a nightmare.”

“I understand.”

“It’s too much,” Riley said. He flapped a hand next to his temple. “Too much, y’know?”

“I know.” Riley had never been good at managing his emotions, and there’d been many times in the past where Adam had helped him through that. It had scared Adam, sometimes, when Riley would sink so low he couldn’t function, or get soworked up that he couldn’t breathe. But what had scared him the most had been Riley leaving Toronto without a word to Adam, after secretly asking for a trade. Adam had felt sad for himself, but he’d been worried sick about Riley. Who would take care of him in Dallas?

“I’m sorry,” Riley said.

Adam hadn’t been expecting an apology of any kind from Riley. “It’s okay.”

“No. That was fucked up, just then, when I—I’m sorry.”

Adam swallowed. “It’s okay,” he said again. If either of them was fucked up, it was him for getting aroused by a furious Riley.

A long, heavy silence filled the room, then Riley said, “Dad would have liked you being here. At the funeral.”

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