Page 111 of The Shots You Take

Riley laughed. “You have to see your doctor tomorrow.”

“I guess.”

“Your kids would miss you.”

“I doubt it.”

“You’d miss them.”

Adam rested his forehead on Riley’s shoulder. “I would. But I’ll miss you too.”

You could have had this, you idiot, he scolded himself.This could have been your life.

“Come on,” Riley said gently. “Let’s get you in the car.”

He carried Adam’s suitcase for him. Lucky was already outside and bounded over when he spotted them.

“Thanks for letting me stay with you, Lucky,” Adam said as he rubbed Lucky’s face with both hands. “You take care of Riles, okay?”

“He will,” Riley assured him. “He’s good at that.”

Adam took a moment to admire the view of the ocean one more time. It was a beautiful sunny day, and the blue water sparkled like a tourism ad for Nova Scotia. A small boat sat right in the middle of the bay, and in the far distance, at the end of one arm of land, Adam could see the white lighthouse glinting in the sun.

“I won’t be seeing much of this in Toronto,” Adam said.

“You’ll be able to get, like, Thai food, though,” Riley pointed out.

Adam laughed, even though his eyes were starting to burn with tears. “Are you going to be okay, Riles?”

Riley shrugged. “I’ll keep busy.”

It wasn’t an answer, but at least Riley wasn’t lying to him. Adam took a steadying breath and asked the most important question. “So what now? For us, I mean.”

“You go back to Toronto, and I stay here,” Riley said. It was a brutal answer, but it was honest and, Adam suspected, careful.

Adam took his hand and turned slightly so he was facing him directly. He said, “I don’t want to push you, but—” at the same time Riley said, “I can’t—”

They both laughed nervously, then Adam said, gently, “You can’t?”

Riley sighed. “Sorry. I just… I need time. I need tothink.”

“I get that,” Adam said, even as his heart crumbled.

Riley stared at their joined hands. “The past few days have been so good. Like, so fucking good, Adam. But I’m still such a mess. I can’t make big decisions right now.”

“Sure,” Adam managed. “Makes sense.”

Riley raised his gaze to meet Adam’s. “Tell me what you were going to say.”

“Oh.” Adam wasn’t sure how to say it now. Would it be too much? He tried a watered-down version. “You’re right. It’s not a good time to jump into anything, but if you ever think maybe you’d like to…with me. Well, I can wait a really long time if that’s something that might be on the table someday.”

Riley’s eyes softened. “I think it will be.”

Adam blinked a few times, trying to unblur his vision. “But yeah. Until then, whatever you need.”

“It’s not just what I need. You need to think about what you want too. Look at that list of yours again, about coming out. Figure out a plan.”

“I’ll come out,” Adam said quickly. Too quickly. “I’ll tell the whole world if that’s what you—”

---