Page 80 of The Shots You Take

Riley gestured to their left. “That way. In the harbor.”

“Oh. Right.” Adam squinted in that direction as if he might catch a glimpse of it. Riley’s heart flipped again. He was so easily charmed by this idiot.

He turned his attention to his bottle cap, reading the writing on the inside as if it might have changed and now told him he was a big winner.

“How’s your leg?” Adam asked.

The question reminded Riley of how this night had started. That Adam had turned down the chance to party in New York with his NHL teammates in favor of hanging out with Riley; a man that he lived with both in Toronto and on the road. A man he saw every single day, and most of the hours of those days were spent together. There was no one on earth that Adam should want to hang out with less tonight, but he was here. And Riley was being a dick to him.

“It’s fine,” Riley said honestly. “And, um, thanks. I liked this.”

Adam smiled. “Well, it’s not over yet. Let’s go to that twenty-four-hour diner we passed.”

In that moment, Adam looked so beautiful that Riley couldn’t breathe. “Yeah,” Riley said faintly. “Cool.”

They never found the diner again, of course. After several blocks of Adam insisting they were retracing their steps, Riley finally persuaded him to stop. “Let’s just, like, get our bearings.”

They definitely hadn’t been here before, and Riley knew that because he certainly would have noticed the bar with the rainbow flag waving outside. He knew the moment Adam spotted it too because he let out a quiet, “Oh.”

And then Riley spotted the two men kissing across the street, and knew Adam saw them too because Adam said, “Um, yeah. Okay. We should go.”

It took Riley a moment to get moving. He was rooted by a mixture of shock and fascination and embarrassment. He and Adam were intruding, witnessing something they weren’t meant to. Later, he would let himself be angry that he’d felt none of these things when he saw the man kissing the woman by the river. When he saw some version of that so many times every day. Watching these men kiss shouldn’t feel different, but it did. It was terrifying and exciting.

Riley was so wrapped up in his own crisis that he momentarily forgot about Adam. When he finally glanced at his friend, he saw that Adam hadn’t moved either and was staring at the two men.

What are you thinking?Riley desperately wanted to ask. Was he disgusted? Horrified?

Finally, Adam started walking, quickly, back in the direction they’d come from. Opting, probably, to retreat rather than risk finding gayer terrain ahead.

They walked in silence for a few blocks, then Adam said, “We should get a cab back to the hotel.”

“Okay.” So that was it, then. Their New York adventure was over.

Adam was able to flag a taxi a few minutes later. They didn’t speak during the ride back to the hotel.

“I’ve done that,”Riley wanted to say.“I’ve kissed boys. That’s me.”

He’d often wondered how Adam would react if Riley came out to him. He knew he wouldn’t get the reaction he wanted most—a delighted smile, a kiss, a love confession—but maybe he’d win the consolation prize of having his best friend truly know who he is, and accept him. That would be enough, he tried to convince himself.

By the time they were back in their hotel room, Riley had grown annoyed by Adam’s continued silence. Was it really such a big deal, seeing two men kiss? Adam was acting like he’d witnessed a murder.

Riley took a risk, a very small one, and said, “It’s cool that those guys felt safe doing that.” He held his breath, waiting to find out if he’d be able to stay friends with Adam Sheppard.

He nearly collapsed with relief when Adam said, simply, “Yeah.”

That single word assured Riley that there would be no homophobic tirades from Adam, and that at least was something. Some of their teammates would have reacted very differently to Riley saying that.

Later, when Riley was in bed and Adam still had his lamp on, Adam said, “Do you think theyweresafe?”

Riley raised his head, then turned to face his friend. Was Adam worried about those two strangers?

“Safer, maybe,” Riley said. “Safer than most places, anyway. Toronto has a big gay village where you see that sort of thing.” Heat crept up his neck. “I mean, I’ve heard that there is. In Toronto.”

Adam seemed to contemplate this as he stared at the ceiling, hands clasped together on his stomach. He was still fully dressed. “It must be scary, being gay.”

Riley’s heart stopped. He just stopped himself from blurting out,“It is.”Instead, he said, “Probably.”

Adam turned his head and looked at him. “Sorry we never made it to Times Square. Or the diner.”

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