Page 58 of The Shots You Take

Riley swallowed, unexpectedly touched by Adam’s respect for his privacy.

“I’ve been worried about you for twelve years,” Adam said. “I know you probably don’t want to hear that, but I have been.”

Riley absolutely didn’t want to hear it, but his stupid heart swelled anyway. “Why?”

“Riley.”

Tears pricked at Riley’s eyes. He blinked and looked away.Not now, he thought. At that moment, the bar erupted in cheers. Toronto had scored.

“Riley,” Adam said again.

“You shouldn’t have worried. Let’s watch the game.” He managed a small smile. “You’re right. You suck at cheering me up.”

Adam didn’t smile back. He looked confused and sad.

“Come on,” Riley said, tilting his head toward the TV. “Toronto’s about to tie it up.”

Adam let it go, though Riley could tell he wasn’t happy about it. During the first intermission he went to the bar to mingle some more, and Riley thought about leaving.

Just before the second period was about to start, Adam returned to the table, and Riley could tell just by looking at him that he had something to say. Riley turned his attention to the TV, and his back to Adam.

After a couple of minutes, Adam said, “Things were different, by the time I retired.”

Riley rolled his eyes and turned back to face him. “What things?”

“Hockey, the league, the way people, I dunno, talk about things. It’s still not perfect, obviously, but some things were better.”

“Like Pride nights?” Riley asked flatly. “Did those fix everything?”

Adam flinched slightly. “No. I know they didn’t, but that’s not even what I’m talking about. Like, some of the kids on theteam during my last few seasons blew my fucking mind. Talking about anxiety and panic attacks and shit no hockey players ever would have admitted to when we both started out.”

“No,” Riley agreed quietly, “definitely not.”

Adam looked at him seriously. “That’s what I mean. I wish it could have been more like that when you played.”

Riley shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “Well. It wasn’t.”

When it was clear Riley still wasn’t going to talk about it, Adam smiled weakly and said, “Those kids made me feel like a dinosaur. They were so into their health—physical and mental. There were three vegans on the team during my final season. Can you believe that? Three!”

Riley huffed. Chicken was practically a vegetable when he’d started in the league.

Adam got quiet again. “I thought about you a lot, during those last few seasons. About how things could have been better for you.”

Riley was two seconds away from flipping the table. He pressed his palms into his thighs, digging his fingers in until it hurt. “How things could have been better for me,” he repeated.

“I know I fucked up the night we won the Cup, but you could have stayed. We could have gotten past it. It kills me to think you threw everything away because of a stupid decision I made when I was drunk.” He laughed humorlessly and gestured to the jerseys above them. “I mean, it was the dream, right? We got there. We were the best D-pairing in the league.”

Riley leaned in, his pulse pounding in his temples. “I’m not talking about this.”

“Why?”

“Because it doesn’t. Fucking. Matter.” Riley stood. “Enjoy your party, Shep. I’ll leave a light on for you at home.” He stormed out of the bar before Adam could reply.

Chapter Seventeen

Riley hadn’t even made it out of the parking lot before he saw Adam leave the bar and get in his rental car.

“Asshole,” Riley muttered as he turned onto the road. He was seething with anger the whole way home, mostly at Adam, but also at himself. Why was Adam asking these questions? And why was Riley still so mad at him? Like he’d said in the bar, it had been years ago. They’d been in their twenties, and Adam could hardly be blamed for being scared about any feelings he may have had for Riley.Ifhe’d had feelings for Riley. Maybe Adam just needed closure. Maybe he just needed to hear that he had nothing to do with Riley quitting hockey.

---