Page 29 of The Long Game

After, I sink back into the lake with her in my arms, and neither of us come back up to the surface again.

I always jolt awake, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. The only thing I can do that doesn’t make me fall back to sleep into the same nightmare is go for a run.

I run mile after mile, pushing my body through the pain, until I reach her house. Sometimes in the middle of the night with the streetlights illuminating my path to her, and sometimes in the early morning light.

Standing outside her house, I glance up at the window on the third floor that I know belongs to her room and my heart starts to slow. For once since I woke up from the nightmare, I feel like Imight catch my breath as I reassure myself that she's alive. She’s safe in her bed three stories above me. No harm has come to her. The scar along her hairline and my nightmares are the only thing left of that horrifying day.

I’ve never told Luca or Lexi about the nightmares. I’ve never told anyone about them.

I hadn’t had one in several months, but the nightmare reoccurring two nights in a row has me feeling like a man standing on the edge of a building, ready to jump. Jump into the dangerous territory of telling Lexi how I feel. I’m still not sure how I feel. I just know I can’t lose her.

The way she responded to my kiss tonight. The way her body took my advances. The way she gave as much as she took when I ground down on her. She would have said yes, and I need her to say no. I need her to keep me in check. I can’t be trusted with how desperately I want her.

And when those thoughts of having Lexi flood my mind… another memory comes with it. Luca’s words. They come barreling at me like a freight train.

The way this goes down with Lexi is one of two ways. With a diamond ring or a black eye.

Then I’m imagining myself at a jewelry store picking out a ring for Lexi and my stomach is in my throat, complete with sweaty palms. This isn’t an image you’re supposed to have at nineteen years old. It’s a terrifying image. But the image that follows is always worse.

A glimpse of a faceless man, kneeling in front of Lexi, opening a ring box with an engagement ring inside that he bought for her. She accepts the man’s proposal with more happiness and joy than I’ve ever seen on her face.

What I came to say today — what I rehearsed the whole way over was this: "I need you Lexi. I’ve tried to stay away from you. I was hoping distance was all I needed to get clarity that it wasn’tyou I’m crazy about, just the thought of you. Just me pushing my feelings onto you because you feel like home. But that’s why I need you. You are my home and I’ve spent the last year and half trying to find a new home. But no matter how hard I try, I still fall asleep with you on my mind and wake wishing you were in my arms."

Instead, I’m taking those words back home with me, unspoken.

I’ll pray that tonight the nightmares don’t come. But if they do, I’ll remember that I left her alive and well in her parents’ house. She’s fine; she’s healthy; she’s not blue from lack of oxygen and lifeless from my failure to keep her safe. Like the failure to stop the darkness from taking my mother.

Chapter Nine

Three Months Later…

Lexi

Today is my last day in the Grand Cayman’s. I’ll need to head back to Chicago to start the process with our design team and office systems specialists who will start their work turning this new acquisition into a true Benson Property.

I’ll probably have to come back in a month or so to make sure everything is shaping up with my vision, but for now, I’m handing off my baby to the capable hands of our other divisions.

It’s been paradise to live in this resort the last two months but it gets old. Being back in my own bed will be a much-needed reprieve.

I still can’t believe I closed this account.

The owners were impressed with our hands-on approach and all the ideas we had to build on what was already here while adding additional value. Our buyout number was also competitive. Money still talks.

I hear the sports broadcaster say Tucker’s name as I’m packing my toiletries. I practically race out of the bathroom to get a glimpse of whatever photo they’ll likely have displayed.

Maybe a hot sweaty Tucker on the field during practice. A girl with her vibrator can only hope.

“After several months of the notorious playboy taking a step out of the limelight, Tucker Evans was snapped in LA at the opening of a famous chef’s new restaurant.

“Tucker was seen leaving the restaurant just after midnight. He was spotted with his team’s rising star P.R. representative, thirty-four-year-old Mallory Stahl.”

My chest clenches.

“The pair looked awfully cozy as Tucker’s town car picked them up outside of the restaurant after closing. Has Tucker Evans finally been tamed?” The newscaster looks over to her co-host.

“Who, Tucker Evans? Please, that guy has no intentions of settling down. And why should he. He has women beating down his door at all hours. The fastest running back in the league, slated to have a shining new contract next year with even more zeros at the end… that kid isn’t going steady with anyone but his talent manager.”

“Mark my words. Tucker Evans is a bachelor for life.”

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