Page 50 of The Long Game

I’m pissed and blindsided, but also relieved and possessive. It’s all fucked up. I hate that she lied to me. But I can’t be mad that I’m the first… the only…I hope to God, the only, ever.

She’s kneeling on the bed when I walk back out, her hands by her side as she stares down at the flower pattern on the duvet.

"I’m sorry, Tucker. I am. It was selfish. I wanted to do it with someone I felt safe with. I should have told you, but I knew you’d say no. For stupid reasons. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt safe enough to do it with. I knew you’d take care of me."

"Stupid reasons? Like what?" I say defensively keeping a small amount of space between us.

"Like, that I’d be stuck on you forever since you were my first."

I only wish I’d be lucky enough for you to be stuck on me forever.

"…That I should wait to do it with someone I’m in a relationship with."

That one I probably would have said. But I want that relationship she’s talking about, so that wouldn’t have stopped me.

"Or…"

"Or?"

"That my brother would kill you if he ever found out."

If there is ever a boner killer to kill all boners, it would be to bring up her brother. Luca won’t be happy about this.

"Perfect, thanks for that Lexi."

I turn to head back to the bathroom, but Lexi jumps off the bed, barreling toward me and I turn in time to catch her against my chest.

She’s in my arms again, and as bad as I want to be mad, I just fucking can’t. I’ve wanted this girl for so long and now, I’ve had her. Not in the way I planned, but still. She’s giving herself to me because I am her protector and it’s all I want to be.

"Please don’t hate me, Tucker."

A tear glides down her cheek. I’m not prepared for her to cry. Now I feel like a dick…even if I did have reasons to be pissed at her for pulling this stunt. She wanted to give me her virginity, but she didn’t want me to feel morally implicated in the process.

I understand the plan, but the execution sucked. Did the end justify the means? I hate to say it, but since this one sort of worked out for me, I guess it did.

I wipe her tears. I’d promised her that day in the truck as Lucas drove mach three towards the ER, her bloodied head in my lap, that I would never let anything bad happen to her again. And here I am, giving her the worst experience for her first time. She’ll remember this forever as the worst fuck she’s ever had.

In all the years and all the women, I’ve been with, I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity. I am against it full heartedly. Obviously, there is a moral implication here. Taking a girls virginity with no intentions of dating her is an asshole move, and since I don’t date girls in the typical sense, it seems too slimy for my taste. Too emotionally loaded when I could have my pick of anyone else who already had that experience with someone else.

I’ve been asked more times than I can count for me to take a girl’s virginity, as if all dudes kept score and these girls thought it was some type of token they were offering, so I could get into an elite club of douchebaggery. Nope, no thanks.

I wasn’t thinking I’d get into heaven right away with all my shenanigans. I was thinking maybe I could hang in purgatory fora little while with the cool kids? V card collectors should get an express ticket to the bad place.

So, taking Lexi’s virginity is my first time, too. Even the first girl to pop my cherry was an upperclassman with a black belt in jock fucking.

Lexi deserves better. And I want to be the man to do it. I lead her to the bed, and I climb in after her.

"Do you still want to do this?" I ask.

She nods, a little unsure.

"We can stop. Maybe you should sleep on it until…"

"No, I want you and I want it tonight. It just hurt a little so I’m nervous."

"Causing you pain isn’t hot for me. So, if you want to wait, I’m fine with it."

"Please, Tucker."

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