Page 69 of The Love Simulation

The facilitator shakes her head. “You’d think so, but it’s actually not. A couple of cycles ago, the whole team worked together to drag one of their crew members outside the Hab without a helmet or space suit. He wouldn’t stop singing ‘Despacito.’ Literally. He didn’t know the words or Spanish. He’d only say, ‘despacito,’ and mumble the chorus. Unfortunately, he happened to be their only IT guru, and the whole mission fell apart shortly after. At least you waited until the major tasks were complete.”

I offer a small smile before turning back to the window. Now we’re passing a rest stop. I don’t find comfort in knowing I’m not the first person to kick someone off. There is no comfort when I’m plagued with what-ifs. What if I had trusted Roman fully? What if the dandelions had sprouted sooner? What if I’d never heard Principal Major’s message? Would Roman be here with me right now? Would we be making plans to move forward with our relationship no matter what anyone had to say?

“Do you mind if I roll the window down?” I ask.

“Go for it.”

I press the button for the window to go down automatically and sit with my head against the headrest, enjoying the feel of fresh air washing over my face and stirring my braids, while trying not to think.

The facilitator takes me back to the Space Center for debriefing and final paperwork. By the time everything isover and done with, Lance is waiting in the parking lot for me. I almost lose it when I see his familiar face.

“Hey, little sis,” he says, engulfing me in a hug. He clears his throat. “That is, Astronaut Rogers.”

I roll my eyes and hand over my bag. “I am not an astronaut.”

“Does your momma know that? The way she’s been lamenting these past two months, she’d swear up and down that you really did go to Mars.”

“I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. She has plenty of other things to focus on to forget about me and my adventures.”

Lance shakes his head. “Tell that to her. She thinks Vincent’s need for thrills can spread to us like a virus, and she’s worried you’ll try to become a real astronaut now that you’ve gotten a taste of it. She made Zara promise to stay away from all things space.”

“But Zara is only three months. Actually, I guess going on five months now. But still, my point remains.”

Lance shakes his head with a beleaguered sigh. “I know,” he says, and gets into the driver’s seat of his Subaru.

As I get in and sink into the leather seat, I inhale deeply. It smells so good.

“You know, your mom was worried about you, but she’s also proud of you,” Lance says.

“I know,” I say automatically, then go back to taking deep drags of air.

“Like,reallyproud of you. Camille wanted to throw a barbecue this past Fourth of July. Your mom insisted we buy an inflatable projector to watch the live stream of you and the simulation. Then she went on at least a five-minute spiel telling everyone she talked to about your degrees and everything you’ve done to help kids.”

“Wow. That’s…wow.”

I always knew Mom was proud of me, just notasproud as she is of Vincent and Camille. But to hear about her pride from Lance’s perspective, the little girl in me can’t help but smile.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” I say. “Now”—I lift up my sunglasses so Lance can get the full effect of my glare—“imagine my surprise when I began unpacking my bag and found a book in there I’m sure I didn’t buy. I wonder who could have left that little gem, hmm?”

Lance tries unsuccessfully to hold in his laugh as we speed down the highway. “That was all Camille.”

Lance pulls up to hisand Camille’s house. I get out and follow him to the front door and inside. As I step into their spacious house, I see Zara batting at the colorful toys hanging from her walker. My heart swells, full of love and bittersweetness at how much she’s grown in just six weeks. Before I know it, she’ll be asking me to take her to the mall, like any good aunty would, so she can spend all my money.

“Cami, I got our space cadet home safe and sound!” Lance shouts.

As we step farther into the house from the foyer, Lance goes to pick up Zara from her walker, peppering her with kisses as she giggles in his arms.

“Aww.” I place a hand over my heart. “She found her laugh.”

I hear the slight but indistinguishable pitter-patter of steps before Sheba comes into view. I was worried that my pup would forget about me or decide she wanted to live with Camille and Lance or that she’d be mad and ignoreme altogether. But Sheba pauses two seconds max before realizing it’s me. Her head goes back as she prepares her body for launch, though it takes another two seconds for Sheba to gain enough traction on the marble floor when her feet move too quickly. Once her body is in accord with physics, she lurches forward like a rocket.

Laughing, I bend down, hugging her to me. Soon enough, my laughter turns into gut-wrenching sobs as all the emotions I’ve been repressing come bursting through. I haven’t allowed myself to cry since sabotaging Roman, and now I can’t stop. I let all my feelings spill out: guilt, love, foolishness, and now, with Sheba back at my side, happiness.

“You didn’t forget me,” I sob into Sheba’s fur.

“Of course she didn’t forget you,” Camille says behind us. “You’re her favorite person. That was a silly thought.”

If there’s one thing Camille is going to do, it’s act like she knows everything. But since in this instance she is clearly right, I won’t say anything.

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