Page 70 of The Love Simulation

I pull my head back from Sheba’s soft fur—though I’m still scratching behind her ears as she whines and her wagging tail causes her whole body to sway—and look back at Camille. “Well, I missed you too.”

Camille’s eyes study my face before she declares, “I’ll get us some wine.”

After more pets for Sheba, I finally stand up. I say hi to Zara, who is now being fed a bottle by Lance, then go outside, where Camille is waiting for me. She even has a box of tissues in my usual spot.

Camille watches me and takes a sip of her water with cucumber before starting. “You did the exact opposite of what I told you to do.”

I throw my head back and close my eyes. “I know,” I whisper.

“You may as well tell me about it. Abouthim. And don’t worry, when you go through that box, I’ve got plenty more.”

I go on to recount my past six weeks. The first day in the Hab, all the games we played and how we got to know each other, my initial suspicions of Roman and deciding I could trust him, subsequently falling even harder for him, and my line of thinking when I messed up his oxygen line. And finally the realization that he wasn’t trying to ruin the dandelions after all.

At some point in the tale, Camille’s glass gets stuck halfway to her mouth. When I’m done, she brings it up to take another sip, then shakes her head. “That is a lot. And really, I can’t say that I blame you. You knew Principal Major didn’t want you to succeed. It’s logical that he’d send his son to make sure you didn’t. Who could have guessed his son would have plans of his own? And who could have guessed that things would get even more complicated by you falling for him?” Camille pauses and raises one finger. “Actually, I did call that one.”

“Can you not? For once?”

Camille sighs. “Fine. Just this once. But for what it’s worth, from the footage I did watch, he looked equally smitten with you.”

My hand stills on Sheba’s head. Even though we’re outside, instead of sniffing around and exploring, Sheba has opted to stay right next to me, probably worried I’ll disappear again. “You thought he looked smitten with me? What would make you say that?” I need her to be very specific.

Camille shrugs. “You could just tell. From the beginning, his body language seemed more open with you than with anyone else. And it was like every week he cared less and less that there were cameras and that you two arework colleagues.” She stresses the last point. “Everyone was talking about that painting date he set up for you.”

I smile, thinking about the horrendous picture he made of me. “You don’t think he was faking?” I ask, and immediately hold my breath while Camille contemplates her answer.

“No, I don’t. I think his dad made a shitty and highly inappropriate, not to mention unprofessional, request, and he was in a bad situation. Now, that’s not to say that he’s off the hook. He should have told you what his dad was up to from the beginning. If I were you, I would have sabotaged his butt too. And I hope you’re going to finally write that letter to your school board.” Camille huffs, getting herself worked up. “As a matter of fact, I’ve got a few things I want to get off my chest about that principal, so I may just go ahead and write the letter myself.”

“Camille.”

“What?”

I shake my head. “Never mind.” I was going to tell her she was doing too much, but I actually like when my big sister tries to look out for me.

“So what are you going to do about your situation with Roman?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Well, things at school are going to beawkward,” she sings.

“Maybe not. I think…I think I’m going to quit.”

Camille’s eyebrows shoot up as my words tumble out, surprising even myself.

“All these years I’ve been trying to find that one thing that can make me happy and fulfilled. I love making a difference in children’s lives, but since the beginning, it’s been an uphill battle. Well, I won the money for staying in thesimulation for the full six weeks, and I’ve got a sizable savings, not to mention my retirement funds if worse comes to worst, but I think I could really do this.”

“What?” Camille interrupts. “You could really do what?”

“Start a foundation. I want to help kids all over the world access books and reading. Of course, I’ll start right here in the city, but in time, I think I could grow it into something big. What do you think?” I ask hesitantly.

Camille smiles. “I think you’ve found your calling.”

I nod. This decision feels good and solid. For the first time in my life, I know what I truly want. And it’s not to be an astronaut like my big brother or a doctor like my big sister. It took me a while, but I’m finally seeing a path of my own that is clear.

“You know,” I begin, “for so long, I’ve wanted what you and Vincent have. To be sure that I’m in the right career. All my life it’s felt like I’ve been playing catch-up to you. You’ve always seemed to have it all together.”

She smiles softly. “Yeah, I was watching when you told Roman you didn’t live up to the Rogers name. I’m so sorry you ever felt that way, but Bri, I told you I don’t have it all together. To be honest, there are times when I’m barely keeping my head above water.” I look at her in disbelief and Camille nods emphatically. “I’m so serious. My life has never been perfect, and having Zara has really thrown me for a loop. My emotions are all over the place. I want to stay with her and get all the cuddles I can while she’s this small. But I need to go to work and take care of my patients. But if I’m at work too long, I’m neglecting my family and missing so much. The guilt is never-ending, and it always feels like I’m the one playing catch-up in my own life.” She sighs. “You know I like to control things, but I have to constantly let Lance hold down the fort here at home and rely on mycolleagues at work to fill in the gaps that I can’t. Mom made everything look so easy, and I always thought if I ever had kids, I’d be able to follow in her footsteps. But it’s so hard.”

“I’m sure it was hard on Mom too. But there was also so much love and fun for us that we probably black out most of the hard parts and can’t remember the hell we must have raised.”

---