Page 54 of This Means War

For the first night since we got married, I fall asleep in bed next to my husband, his hand wrapped protectively around our children. My heart betraying me by having fallen in love with him.

Chapter 38

Lydia

I wake up thenext morning to an empty bed and the noisy ringing of a phone. As I fumble around on the bedside table for the phone, I see Ashley’s name on the screen and regret runs through me like ice water in my veins. I slept with Cole last night. And, okay, when I say “slept with” I do actually mean slept with, since, per the doctor’s orders, I’m supposed to be taking it easy. When our make-out session got a little bit too heated, Cole was the one who said we had to stop because he didn’t want to risk my health or the babies’ health. I was a bit put out at first, but then he pulled me against his chest and started telling me how long he’d been wanting to kiss me and how unbelievably happy he was to have me in his arms, and I forgave him easily enough.

But now, in the light of day with no sign of Cole and Ashley calling him first thing in the morning, I’m filled with the same sense of horror I experienced all of those months ago when I woke up next to him in that airport hotel. How could I havebeen so stupid? Cole was clearly in a vulnerable state after what happened to me at the ice cream place, and I let him kiss me anyway. And now he’s going to go back to working with Ashley, and he’ll forget all about me and the twins. But I’ll be fine when this happens, I attempt to assure myself, especially because I have a new rule: No more kissing.

“Hey, Lyddie, you’re awake,” Cole’s voice pulls me from my dark thoughts, and I whip my head up to see him coming into the room carrying a tray laden with orange juice, a plate of toast, and, weirdly, a bell. My stomach flips as he sets the tray down on the nightstand then bends down to kiss me. Before I can stop them, my hands snake up around his neck, and my fingers brush the ends of his hair. Cole groans and pulls away.

“Lyddie, I’m not going to get any work done today if you keep doing stuff like that, and I am way behind schedule after this past week.” His tone is rueful, and I feel my cheeks flush. Seriously, what is wrong with me? My kissing ban lasted approximately thirty-three seconds.

“I’m sorry,” I manage to tell him.

“I’m not.” Now his grin is roguish. “Well, except about having to get to work. That I am definitely sorry about.”

“Work. Right. I forgot to tell you that Ashley just called.” The words taste like bile as I pass him his phone.

“Oh.” Cole takes the phone and I watch him for signs that he’s desperate to call her back so theycan arrange to meet for a make-out session of their own. But he just sighs and pockets the phone. “I’ll call her back later. Right now, I just want to make sure there’s nothing you need before I get to work. I brought you some breakfast.”

I’ll admit, I’m disappointed he’s going to the office today. It’s going to be lonely stuck in the house all day with just my imagination conjuring up images of Cole and Ashley to keep me company. I can’t even call Jamie since she and Luke are still gone on their honeymoon.

“I should be okay,” I lie.

“Okay, well I’ll just be across the hall if you need me.”

“Okay,” I begin, then pause as his words register. “Wait, you’re working from home?”

“Of course.” Cole laughs. “Did you really think I was going to leave you here all alone on your first day back from the hospital?” Sunshine bursts inside my chest. “You did, didn’t you?” Cole shakes his head. “I guess that makes sense considering my usual work schedule, but everyone at the firm knows what happened to you and they’ve been really understanding.”

“Oh.” I watch my fingers play with the top of the blanket, avoiding his gaze as I press on. “You’ve told everyone at the firm about my pregnancy then?”

“Well,” Cole chuckles, “it was in the newspaper, so even if I hadn’t, they’d all know by now anyway.”

“Right, of course.” He somehow dodged answering my real question. I can’t ask him outrighthow Ashley responded, though. I may be a pathetic jealous mess on the inside, but I’d like to think I’m holding onto at least a shred of my dignity on the outside.

“Okay, well I really do need to get to work,” Cole says as his phone vibrates with another text. “But, like I said, I’ll be across the hall if you need me. Remember you’re supposed to be taking it easy, so if you need something just ring the bell.” He indicates the bell he’s put on top of the tray of food, then ducks down and kisses me lightly. This time I control my hands, forcing them to resist the magnetic pull of his chest.

I sink back onto the pillow as he leaves. I should be happy. I’m home from the hospital. The babies are both fine. Cole seems to have at least some feelings for me. Jamie has to like Cole now since he hosted her wedding. I even reconciled with my mom. Well, mostly. I’m pretty sure she still isn’t telling people about her daughter’s budding career as middle school running coach, but at least we’ve gotten past the pregnant out of wedlock thing. The relationships in my life are all coming together. All except for Josh. He never came to the hospital, though my mom said he did call her to check on me. His absence makes the concerns he voiced so many weeks ago ring even louder in my ears.

It’s the same three people, Lydia.What makes you think it’ll have a different outcome?

He knows I’m pregnant now, so I’m sure he’s realized that’s why Cole married me. Obviously, thatwon’t earn Cole any points in his favor. It probably only cements his opinion that I’m just some naïve woman in way over my head. I’m not sure he’s even wrong about that.

Part of me wishes that I could talk to Josh and try and explain that I think I might love Cole. But the more insecure part of me never wants to say that out loud to anyone. I can picture the pity in Josh’s eyes if I did. Josh thinks Cole loves Ashley. He thinks eventually he’ll go back to her, leaving me the jilted ex-wife. I’m not sure he’s wrong about that either.

As these thoughts go round and round in my head, I’m reminded of the other relationship in my life that’s not quite right. My eyes drift to the ceiling as if that’s where I’ll find God, but my shame still blocks me from feeling his presence, so I just watch the ceiling fan go around and around, the motion reminding me painfully of that stupid bottle spinning round and round until it landed on Ashley instead of me.

Chapter 39

Cole

Turns out workingfrom home is next to impossible when the woman you finally kissed after months of wanting to is lying across the hall in your bed. I keep wanting to pop over and see her. To kiss her more yes, but also just to talk to her. See her smile, hear her laugh, continue memorizing the pattern of the flecks in her green eyes.

I shake my head trying to get rid of these thoughts as yet another email comes in from my boss. What I told Lydia about everyone at work having been supportive about me taking time off to stay with her in the hospital wasn’t exactly true, and now that she’s home, the little bit of understanding they did show has completely vanished.

On top of that, there’s my dad, who only gave me about two days last week before he started badgering me about the recent dip in my polling numbers. I managed to answer his calls and emails at night while Lydia slept, fending off his suggestion that we run an article about what happened toLydia to garner some sympathy and help boost my numbers.

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