Page 33 of Promise Me Sunshine

He’s bemused. Possibly still digesting the bulldog comment. “No, Lenny,” he says simply. “I’ve never done that.”

I burst out laughing at his delivery. “Okay, fine. So, your fantasies are limited to, like, ooh, pretty lady, I’d like to giveherthe business.”

“No.” He starts walking in the other direction.

“What a stunner!” I throw my voice low and put on a wiseguy accent. “What I wouldn’t give to teach her a thing or two.”

“Oh, my God.” Now he’s turned and started walking in the other opposite direction.

I catch up to him quickly, an irreverent grin on my face that he deftly ignores. “So, have you always done this fantasy thing?” he asks.

“Maybe? I don’t know. No.” I shove my hands in my pockets while we walk, most of my mirth evaporating away. “Mostly just since Lou…Is it really that weird?”

“No.” He turns to me, one hand on my shoulder, that familiar quick squeeze.

“It always comes back to her, doesn’t it?” I laugh but there’s no levity in it. “Everything reminds me of her. Like my hair earlier today. How ridiculous it was in the mirror. It would have made her laugh so hard. Not in a mean way! Just like…how to explain this?”

He slows to a stroll, puts his hands in his pockets.

“Lou had great hair,” I try. “Long red hair that she could part down the middle. You know how hard it is to pull off a middle part? Really hard.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Well, she had the kind of hair that you could doanything to. It could hold curl, but it would also stay perfectly straight if you blow-dried it or flat-ironed it. It grew fast and she would try a million different hairstyles. It was always the first thing anyone ever commented on with Lou. Her hair.”

He makes a little noise to show he’s listening.

“She lost it twice. The first time when we were twenty, during her first round of chemo. I shaved my head to match hers. When her hair grew back in, it was a little different than before, but still beautiful.” My voice cracks. “When she started to lose it again, four years ago…she didn’t let me shave my head again. She said this time she wanted me to keep growing my hair, as long as I could possibly get it. So…here I am. Accidentally zipping my hair into my hoodies. And waking up with it looking likethat.”

“Wow. Lenny…” He pauses. “I’m sorry I was making fun of it this afternoon. I didn’t realize…”

“No, no.” I wave it away. “I know my hair looks ridiculous these days. I don’t style it or take care of it. You didn’t hurt my feelings.”

“I am sorry, though. For making fun of the way you look.”

“Oh, you mean that first day we met? You already apologized for that. And that was different than the jokes you made about my ridiculous hair. You weren’t beingmeanabout my hair. Besides…whenever my hair looks absurd, it makes me happy. I’m not explaining this right.”

“Take your time.”

“Lou and I used to call ourselves the Fuglies.”

“I’m sorry, theFuglies? As in…”

“Fucking ugly. Yeah. Exactly.”

“Jesus.”

“It sounds terrible, I know. But it was so great.”

“You’re not ugly.”

“No, no. That’s not the point! I mean, Lou and I were definitely ugly ducklings in our preteen years. And I have the pics to prove it.”

“Can I see?” Miles asks, arching his eyebrows.

I laugh and then pull out my phone, texting him an album of Lou and me, post-Alanis, pre-Rihanna.

He takes a quick perusal and literally laughs out loud at some of them. I can’t bear to check which ones brought him so much joy.

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