Page 146 of Promise Me Sunshine

“You’reobviouslythe other half of my locket.”

He clicks off the TV.

I crawled away from him during the scuffle, so he firmly grabs my ankle and pulls me back under him. He kisses me deeply, slowly.

When he comes up for air his eyes are serious and kind. He points at himself. “Lenny, the other half of your locket has something to tell you.”

“Hm?”

He holds me tenderly, softly, firmly. His eyes darken. This must be serious. I come to attention.

“It’s time,” he says.

I instantly know exactly what he’s talking about and I start shaking my head. “No.”

“It is.”

“No. No no no.” Tears are pricking my eyes.

“Shhh.” He kisses me long and slow until I’m calm again, and then he pulls back. “I was waiting for you to get there on your own, but…but I think you need me to take charge on this one.”

“I can’t do it, Miles.” I’m instantly crying again. “I can’t move out of that apartment. I can’t go back there. I can’t pack up all her stuff. Give it away or throw it away? How can I do that?”

“I’ll help you.”

“Miles, Ican’t.” But I know he’s right. That apartment has sucked almost my entire savings away. And it’s an artifact of a former life. I don’t just mean the life I used to have with Lou. I mean that having my belongings and residences be scattered, abandoned, messy, and something to cringe away from…that’s who I was before I met Miles. He and I, we’re moving past that. It’s not who I am anymore. Clinging to that apartment is clinging to a moment in time that’s gone. IfI want to step into this life with Miles, fully into it, I need to follow his lead and step fullyoutof the pieces of a past life I’ll never have back.

“You can.”

“It’s gonna besobad,” I sob, hands over my face.

He hugs me tightly, because I’ve just agreed that it’s necessary. So terribly necessary.The only way out is through.He gently kisses the backs of my hands and when I peek up at him, all I can see is how proud he is of me.

“You know,” he says cautiously, “I think cleaning out the apartment will go faster with more people.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll ask my parents to help. And Jericho.”

He’s blinking at me in complete surprise. He thought that was going to be a battle. There’s been no one but him who’s been allowed to see me disintegrate. And surely I will disintegrate when tasked with sorting Lou’s belongings.

But maybe it won’t bring everyone down with me. Maybe instead it’ll be the other way around. Maybe they’ll bring me up, where the light is.

—

I wake upat the studio the next morning. I roll onto my side and the locket falls out of my shirt and onto the pillow. Clicking it open, I can’t help but grin at the screengrab of Miles in a ruffled gray blouse that I glued in there yesterday. Me and Lou and Miles, all in one place.

Something occurs to me.

I text Miles one sentence:I want you to meet Lou.

He texts back immediately:When and where.

Forty minutes later, we’re holding hands next to a hot dog cart, both of us staring up the foreboding steps of the Met.

He squeezes my hand and I turn to look at him. His head is cocked to one side,Are you sure?written in his eyes.

I sigh and tug him after me.

I ignore the first floor and take the elevator up. I hope she’s still there. We find our way through the maze of paintings that George and I hid our pain inside a few months ago. And finally, there we are. The gray clouds and the skull in the sky. The single, living flower.

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