Page 46 of Promise Me Sunshine

“Oh, come on, Miles. You’ll always be there. You’re Old Trusty.”

“I hope so.”

“I wish I could be yours. Or anybody’s,” I say with a sigh.

“You’ll get there, Lenny. I promise.”

Chapter Eleven

I’m not sleeping,I text a few nights later.I’m only telling you because you said I had to. Don’t call me. I’m serious.

He calls me.

I reject the call and viciously text him.

I said don’t call me!

Talk to me,he texts back.

I have nothing to say. I’m depressed and sleepless. You don’t have to baby me.

I’m not babying you,he insists.Talk to me.

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What’s wrong with me?I text him a few days after that.

In what context?

I went to a noodle shop, couldn’t decide what to order, so I left. Why can’t I properly feed myself? It’s annoying!

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re getting used to a new reality. You don’t know how to live right now. It’ll all come back. You’ll take care of yourself again someday.

The thing about bodies is that some of us, even when we don’t know how to live, just keep right on living, no matter how poorly we feed and water ourselves. And then some of us, like Lou, don’t get to keep on living. Our bodies just give way and the world rushes right past.

And I’m here, sitting on the curb in front of the noodleshop, forehead pressed to my knees, dripping tears onto my jeans.

Time heals all wounds, they say. Well, I can picture myself in ten years. It’s crystal clear. I’m still sitting on this curb, utterly disoriented that I’m the one still alive and she’s still gone.

Where are you?he texts.

I lurch to my feet. The threat of him finding me to force-feed me noodles has me actioning.

Don’t come find me!I text.

I’m going to parachute in from a chopper with a turkey sandwich.

Improbably, I laugh.Turkey doesn’t fly well. Maybe peanut butter is the wiser choice.

Just go back to the apartment,he texts.I’ll order takeout foryou.

Wait! Don’t! I’m too far away!

Where are you?he texts again. And then when I don’t answer fast enough:

Lenny…

I have to ’fess up.I accidentally fell asleep on the train. I made it out to Queens and got off to find something to eat. There. You’re caught up now. Don’t yell at me.

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