Page 114 of Promise Me Sunshine

“Hey.” I’m scrambling to intercept him at the front door.

He pulls on his black sweatshirt and tosses me my coat so that it lands on my head. My shoes arrive in a heap at my feet.

“Hey!” I say again as we toe into our shoes simultaneously. “Miles!”

He pauses at his front door and turns back to me, one hand on the doorknob.

I stalk over to him and bat his hand off the doorknob because he’s rushing me. “You’re saying you’re not ready for—you’re not ready to—you’re not ready?”

He laughs and I think I detect a touch of exasperation, but it melts into something soft. “No. I’m not saying that.”

I translate this with fierce and aggressive vim. “Wait. You thinkI’mnot ready? I was the one who made the move! That’s the definition of ready!”

“Sure.” He’s got me by the shoulders and is steering me out into the hallway.

I jump around and point a finger at him. “But you wanted to, right? I’m not…the only one…”

I’m suddenly swamped with embarrassment. I cover my face with two hands and crouch down like a frog. “Oh, myGod.”

His knees bump into my knees as he crouches down in front of me. “Lenny, you gotta listen to me, okay? I…I have a grand plan and I think it’s a good one.”

A grand plan? About…me? Him and me and kissing and waiting? My blood is pure fizz.

“But you won’t tell me what the plan is?”

“The plan is we wait.”

“For something you won’t tell me what it is.”

He sighs again. “If I tell you then it won’t count when it happens. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Justwait.”

For what?I’d really like to shout again, but it didn’t get me anywhere the first time.

I unfold from the floor and follow him to the elevator. We make it out of the lobby and into the fresh night. We walk toward the studio apartment in charged silence.

When we get to my stoop I walk up to the door and he stays on the sidewalk below. I turn to him, ornery and determined.

“Answer me this.”

“Yeah?” His voice is gravelly and expectant as he looks up at me. I’m nearly sidetracked by the set of his shoulders, his black sweatshirt pooled against the strong line of his neck. But no. I need answers. If not just to save my pride.

“You’ve thought about kissing me? Before that moment just now, I mean?”

He goes still. It doesn’t matter that there’s eight feet of free fall between us, my blood is racing like he’s inches away and leaning in.

“Yes.”

My hands in my coat pockets reflexively tighten. Thatsingle word instantly reminds me of sitting around the campfire, Jericho whispering a mystery question to Miles. His one-word answer, clear and concise and certain. And now he’s handing me that sameyes.

I should take it for an answer and just go to bed happy. But I’m anxious and trembly and elated and nervous. I know that I won’t sleep unless there’s nothing left for me to panic over. So I push just a little harder.

“And when you were thinking about it…it’s because…you’ve been wanting it?”

There’s a long pause, his dark eyes staring up at me.

“Yes.”

“Okay, cool!” I chirp. His answer has snapped me like a fishing line and I scamper through the door, barely making eye contact with him. “Have a good night!” Slam.

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