Page 50 of Can't Help Falling

CHAPTER TWELVE

“DON’TTHINK Iwon’t tickle-torture you,” Via said from where she reclined on Fin’s tiny balcony that overlooked a sliver of Prospect Park. It was December and freezing, so both women were in full outdoor gear and covered up by a big blanket, but sitting on the balcony while they drank piping hot tea and chatted was enough of a timeworn tradition between them that they honored it even in the winter months. Even when a damp, cold rain had turned Brooklyn into a muted, slightly stinky version of a Parisian street painting.

“For what?” Fin demanded. Via was the only person on this earth allowed to tickle Fin, and even then, it was only supposed to be used in the direst of circumstances. Via had been firmly instructed only to use tickle torture when Fin was obstinately refusing to talk about something that she should probably let out into the open air.

“For the storm cloud over your head. Something is bothering you and you won’t talk about it.”

Fin said nothing, just sipped her tea.

“Did you accept that blind date your client wanted to set you up on?” Via abruptly changed the subject.

One of her clients had insisted that she knew Mr. Perfect and had attempted to play matchmaker. She’d sworn that he was a great guy.

Fin frowned. “Of course not.”

“Why is that exactly?”

Fin turned her head and eyed her friend. “You know I’m not dating right now. I’m concentrating on...other things.”

Once upon a time, “other things” would have been becoming a foster parent. But over the last month, Kylie had found her way into the “other things” pile as well.

“Ah. Right. You don’t want a man to distract you. Which is what you told Tyler when he asked you out.”

“What does Tyler have to do with this?”

“Nothing!” Via said in a voice just a note too high to be innocent. She fiddled with her teacup. “Well, I think you should go on this blind date.”

“Why?” Fin asked, almost suspiciously.

Via shrugged. “I think it would help you...figure some stuff out.”

“Winnie explicitly said that this guy was really charming but looking for something uncomplicated because he lives bicoastally. How would that ever fit into my life?”

Via tossed her hands up. “You don’t want something casual, you don’t want something serious. I don’t think you have any idea what you want.” A thoughtful look came over her face, maybe a little bit sly. “Unless,” Via prompted, “you have feelings for someone else that I don’t know about?”

Fin couldn’t help but laugh. “Who on earth would I have feelings for?” Something popped up into the corner of Fin’s mind, a familiar and not altogether welcome energy. She shoved it back, away, and continued on. “Have you ever known me to have feelings for someone? Real feelings?”

“Well. No. But—”

“Violetta, you know how I feel about having a man in my life.”

“Is this all because of that dream? Your mother, the harbinger of doom, telling you that you won’t be able to foster if you go on a date with an interesting, available man?” Via huffed and threw her hands up in the air. “I’m so sick of your mother. And I never even met her.”

Fin sucked her teeth and let the view of the park fade in on itself, her thoughts spinning inward as she sought a way to explain. “My mother was no saint, Via, obviously. But she was rarely, if ever, wrong.”

“Oh, don’t give me that, Fin. Because one of the things you think she was not wrong about was that a man ruined her life by giving her you. And she was dead wrong about that. She ruined her own life by not appreciating what she had in a daughter. She’s not infallible. You can’t let her regrets guide your choices.”

Fin frowned. To someone who wasn’t clairvoyant, who didn’t see the patterns and repercussions of every little choice a person made, she supposed it would seem as if she were choosing to let a superstition run her life.

Becoming a foster parent, even if she was taking a break from the application process right now, was Fin’s nearest and dearest ambition. And it was a scary, unmapped maze of unknowns. And now Via just wanted her to cavalierly slap some dates on top of that? Fin would never find her way out of the labyrinth of her life if she did that. Things were complicated enough without adding a man in there. Besides, men were takers. They pursued hard, got what they wanted and gave nothing in return. Fin had a short string of casual relationships from her twenties to prove it. She didn’t need that in her life.

“Name one way, one, that having a man would make becoming a foster parent easier.”

“Oh, I don’t know, love and marriage and steadier income and a higher credit score and holy moly your application gets accepted!” Via took a big swig of her tea like it was an exclamation point at the end of her sentence.

“And I’m going to get all that from one blind date with a man who lives half his life in San Francisco?” Fin asked with a wry eyebrow inched up her forehead.

“Well.” Via pinched her face up. “No. Probably not. But the point isn’t about the man, it’s about you. Opening yourself up.”

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