Page 32 of Just a Heartbeat Away

Sadie waved her hand through the air and then almost gave the waiter a heart attack with that smile of hers when he set down their food in front of them. “I used to love Thanksgiving, but ever since I came out of the closet, it’s just become the one day a year where my extended family either completely ignores who I am or they try to pretend that they’re totally cool with it by talking to me aboutWill & Grace. Either way, it gets old.”

“Is your immediate family like that, too?”

“No. Not really. I’m lucky in that way. My mom says she always knew and, honestly, I think my dad was kind of relieved that I wouldn’t be dating men. Not that that means it didn’t take them a long time to truly get on board with my life and choices and what it actually means for me to be gay. In practice, not just in theory. But they did well enough.” Sadie took a gigantic bite of her four-inch-tall burger and crossed her eyes in ecstasy. “What are the holidays like in your family?”

Via’s much more modest bite of her much more modest burger froze in her mouth. She made herself chew and swallow, reminding herself that this didn’t have to be a big deal. “It’s very small. But nice. My foster sister and I have some traditions we try to keep up every year.”

She let that wordfosterout of its cage and watched it do its magic. It was a special word, one that Via knew meant different things to different people. Over the years, she’d learned to let it do the explaining for her. She’d also learned that she could find out a lot about a person based on their reaction to it.

“Oh.” Sadie cocked her head to one side, her mouth still filled with burger. “I didn’t realize that your family was nontraditional.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Stupid assumption, I guess.”

Via nodded. Something about Sadie’s reaction disarmed her a little bit. There was curiosity there, but not judgment. “Yeah. My parents passed when I was young and I went into the foster system. My sister and I are on our own now ever since her aunt, Jetty, passed away. She was my foster mom and Fin’s guardian.”

“Wow.” Sadie was quiet for a minute and swallowed down her bite before she spoke again. “You’ve had a lot of loss in your life.”

That drafty feeling opened up inside of Via with such a swiftness that it nearly took her breath away. It was like too much wind was rushing up to greet her and there was nowhere for her exhale to go. She’d thought it was important to share this with Sadie because that’s what friends did, real friends. They shared things about their lives, even the hard, messy stuff. And Sadie had made it look so easy, talking about coming out to her family with humor and honesty. Via didn’t want to be the closed-off weirdo who was fine being a friend-droid. She wanted friends! Real ones! Was that too much to ask?

But now there was pity on Sadie’s face and Via could choose between obviously changing the subject and showing how uncomfortable she was, or she could dive in further to settle Sadie’s curiosity. The thought made her feel sick.

“I’ll be right back,” Via said in what she hoped was a bright, unaffected voice. She went to the bathroom and tried to settle herself. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and considered calling Evan. But the drafty feeling was full force and she shivered against it, putting her phone back in her pocket. She took a deep breath and headed back to the table.

“I’m so sorry!” Sadie immediately blurted out the second Via sat down.

“You’re sorry? For what?”

Sadie’s cheeks were red and she looked more uncomfortable than Via had ever seen her. “I feel like I reacted in a really shitty way to you telling me about your family. I obviously made you uncomfortable. I just... I want you to know that it surprised me and it made me sad but that I don’t pity you at all. And I’m really, really sorry if it seemed like I pitied you.”

Via gaped at Sadie. And for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon, Via attempted to learn something from her outgoing, loquacious friend. “You...really just say whatever you’re feeling, don’t you?”

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” Sadie said with a wince. “But I hope not a fatal flaw?”

Via smiled and shook her head. “Not a fatal flaw. I admire it. And, Sadie, no apology necessary. You reacted just fine. It’s a hard thing to learn about people’s pasts. I’m going through kind of a weird time right now. It’s not you. Really.”

“If you’re sure...”

“I’m sure.”

Sadie watched her closely for another beat before the worried expression gave way to her usual good-natured one. “All right. Well, if you have time, want to help me find a birthday gift for Rae? It’s in a couple of days and I’ve been striking out.”

Via let the pleasure of the invitation fill her up. Telling Sadie hadn’t been perfect, but it hadn’t ruined everything either. It was one more thing that Via told herself to remember about that afternoon.

SEBASTIANMADEHIMSELFuseful by dragging the tables and chairs to one side of the library. It was the day of the dreaded yoga staff meeting and his pits were already sweaty. Great. Just great.

As far as he could tell from chatting with his colleagues that day, the staff was split in two. Those who were already good at yoga and were thus pretty excited about it. And those who were terrible at yoga and were thus completely dreading it.

Sebastian’s dread was twofold. One, he didn’t want to slip a disc in the middle of a sun salutation (yeah, he’d Googled it), and two, he’d asked Tyler about yoga clothes and learned a great deal. All he knew was that he really, really didn’t want to see Via DeRosa in some skin-tights. It had been bad enough on Saturday watching her sprint around the bases in a baggy T-shirt and a baseball cap.

But how the heck was he supposed to keep his eyes in his head if she was bending over in yoga pants? The task was superhuman. Herculean, even.

He took his frustration out on the tables, stacking them together neatly. He was glad he’d already changed into his T-shirt and basketball shorts (with athletic briefs underneath, of course) because he was already too sweaty for work clothes.

When he turned back around he paused, a little jolted by the group of ten or so of his female colleagues who’d apparently been watching him move the tables around. The second his eyes landed on them, they scattered, like they’d been caught watching porn.

Pushing those thoughts as far from his mind as he possibly could, Sebastian found Grace and Shelly across the room, tittering into their hands.

“Looking mighty fine, Mr. Dorner.”

“Oh, Shelly, not you, too,” Sebastian groaned. “I’m embarrassed enough as it is.” His eyes zeroed in on the yoga mats in their arms, looking like humongous, multicolored cannoli. “Oh crap. Was I supposed to bring my own? Great.”

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