Page 19 of Just a Heartbeat Away

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Beats me.” He shrugged. “But then she went on about how she didn’t want to start anything up with someone whose life was so focused around kid stuff. Because it makes dating a lot more serious right from the jump. But that she’d had a good time and wouldn’t mind hooking up again.”

Mary’s eyebrows were in her hairline. “Well. At least Valerie the dog walker is honest.”

“Painfully so.” He scraped a hand over his hair. “It just bothered me. The idea that I’m not datable because of Matty. That kid is the best part of me. All the good parts are because of him.”

“Seb.” Mary narrowed her eyes a little. “You know I love Matty. But he’s not the only good thing about you.” Her eyes narrowed farther. “I’m worried you don’t realize that.”

Seb waved a hand through the air. “Nah, I mean, I know I can be charming and fun to be around and all that. But when I started to really be a good dad? That’s when the really good stuff kicked in. The patience, reliability, my ability to pay attention. I never really had that stuff before Matty.”Just ask Cora.

She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. Her sweet face pinched into a mutinous expression. “It’s not like you to be self-deprecating. Did you really like this chick or something? You’re heartbroken?”

Seb laughed at the unexpected word. “No. God, no. I mean, she was nice. And cute. And it would have been cool to date somebody. But no. It wasn’t a love connection. I just... Do you think that women see Matty and think, no-go?”

“Some of them, sure.”

“Do you think widowed dads are undatable?”

“No. Of course not. It might be a different process than dating without kids, but you can make it be whatever you want it to be.”

Seb was quiet.

“Are you sure you’re all right? Is there something else?”

Seb slowly shook his head. “Nah. I mean, who knows? After your wife dies, there’s always something else. It was just one of those days that felt off. Like I’m not me. I’m not the man I was before her or with her. And I don’t know who I’m supposed to be after her.”

“It’s good you’re trying, Seb.”

He looked up at Mary. “Do you think Cora would have wanted me to try?”

Mary and Cora had gone to college together, although Seb hadn’t really gotten to know Mary until after Cora died. She’d moved to Brooklyn just before the funeral, and they’d started a friendship from there. Sad beginnings, but they had a good thing going. Mary had been one of the first people to tell Seb that his furniture could sell. And that, in fact, he could sell it in her store if he wanted to.

“In theory, yes,” Mary said slowly. “In practice? I think she would have scratched another woman’s eyes out.”

Seb laughed. It was very true that Cora had been protective over him. “But it’s time, right? It’s time for me to be out there trying to figure this part of my life out?”

“I don’t know,” Mary answered. “But if it’s any consolation, it doesn’t seem like you’ve screwed up anything so far.”

Seb laughed into his palm. “Pretty low bar, Mary.”

She shrugged, plopping her chin on one hand. “Gotta start somewhere, my friend.”

“JESUSCRIMINY,” SADIEGROANEDas she collapsed on the grass of the soccer field. Two of the parent volunteers escorted the grass-stained kids to the parking lot for pickup. Matty and Crabby chased a soccer ball on the other end of the field, and Seb grinned as his kid took a huge tumble, hopped up and kept running. Their maniac of a dog galloped alongside with his tongue flopping out and hearts in his eyes for Matty.

“I told you these kids were insane.”

“Yeah, I mean they were hard in the classroom. But put ’em outside and suddenly they reveal their true roots as Lucifer’s offspring.”

He chuckled and started packing the extra equipment into a big gym bag. “That’s why I called in a professional.”

Sadie sat up on her palms. “I have had no professional training on how to keep a kid from shoving a soccer ball in another kid’s pants.”

“Yeah. That was really something. Casey took it on the chin, though.”

“Actually, he took it right in the soccer shorts.”

They both laughed at that one, and Sadie shaded her eyes as she squinted across the field.

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