Page 70 of Still the Sun

My clammy hand nearly drops the turnscrew. Heartwood should return any moment now. Over and over I’ve rehearsed what I’ll say to him and how I’ll say it. Prepared myself for a litany of reactions and a defense for each one. But he has to know.

I hope I’m wrong. I pray to the World Serpent and the Well of Creation itself that I’m wrong. She’s dead, either way, but there’s a difference. An enormous, fundamental difference.

Before I act, he has to know. He’ll understand it better than I do. He’s a god; he has to understand.

Drawing in a deep breath, I steady myself. Step back and roll the sprocket forward, verifying its track is straight.

I don’t hear Moseus behind me, but when his cold hands grab the sides of my head, I immediately know it’s him. A scream bubbles from my chest and up my throat as I try to beat him away and—

And ...

Where am I?

Chapter 23

I wake gulping moist air. Despite the settled mist, heat swarms my body.

Sitting up, I pant, trying to suck in enough air. Blink and orient myself. Push hair off my forehead. Garden, Heartwood. He’s asleep beside me, curled in the fairy wisps with one arm bent under his head, the other across my lap. I haven’t slept so heavily in a long time—

That dream.It felt very real. Almost like a vision. And if it was ...

Moseus did it.Every hair on my body stands on end.Moseus took my memories away.

But ... no. Wait. This was adream. Every memory I’ve had since starting my work on the tower ... the second time ... I had while fully alert. I was definitely not fully alert this time. Yet my heart thunders in my chest, and my hands are just as cold and moist as they were before.

It’s only the mist.But the thought offers little comfort. I swallow hard. Turn to Heartwood and lift a hand to stir him, then pause.

If I tell Heartwood what I “saw”—that Moseus somehow kindled up enough god-power to wipe my mind, and I’mwrong—what will that do to him? To Moseus, to the tower? To me?

You betrayed us.

Think, Nophe,I plead, rubbing fingers into my forehead. I’m shaking. Gods’ damnation, I’m shaking, and I can’t breathe. I’m in this beautiful haven with this beautiful man, and I’m utterly terrified.

What was I going to tell Heartwood? In that dream, I was waiting for him. I was going to tell him something. What?

Did I ... did I really betray them?

A new thought chills me to my core.What if I forget again?

Very carefully, I lift Heartwood’s arm and set it beside him. Find my feet. Pace, grateful I’d had the forethought to dress before passing out. I should just tell him. Maybe he would know something about it ... but if he did, he wouldn’t be so chummy with Moseus. And what if he told Moseus?

He won’t if you ask him not to.But that reasoning does nothing to calm me. Something is missing. Serpent save me, I’m stillmissing something.

I can’t forget again.

Crouching down, I think to rouse Heartwood, to explain I need to go, to record this, but I stop before touching him. What if it’s real? What if Heartwood confronts Moseus, and Moseus does the exact same thing tohim?

What if Heartwood forgets me?

Deep breath in, long breath out. I can’t let that happen. I won’t. I’ll find out the truth one way or another, but I will not let Heartwood suffer for it.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

Wiping mist from my eyes, I sneak from the garden, grateful for the cover of the fog, as though Moseus might jump out at me with his cold hands at any moment.Just a dream just a dream just a dream.

Not a dream?

The mist lifts by the time I get home. After locking the door behind me, I pull out my notes and every spare piece of parchment I can find. Grab a charcoal pencil and start, in very tight handwriting, from the beginning.

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