"I'm not crying," I managed to grind out through clenched teeth as I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head in my knees. "I'm dealing with something."
"What?" I heard him ask from somewhere close by. An arm wrapped around my shoulder. "What're you dealing with, Thorn?"
God only knows why I said what I said next. "When I was fourteen I was in a car accident," I confided, feeling a little dumb to be exposing myself to a guy who could crush me with his baby finger. I exhaled shakily and allowed him to pull me closer to him. "The car I was travelling in hit a tree and flipped over a ditch. I ended up being trapped in that car all night."
I was opening up to Noah Messina, the boy who terrified me beyond all frontiers.
The boy whose sister made my life a living hell for pleasure.
He was touching my hair and I was letting him do it. I was enjoying the feel of his arms around me.
What the hell was wrong with me?
"No one found us until the following morning," I explained quietly. "By then it was too late."
"Too late for what?" Noah asked softly as he pulled me onto his lap and held me there.
"My mom," I whispered, reveling in the warmth of his embrace. His arms were like a safety net around my body, forcing the fear away. "She died in that car, right in front of me."
I closed my eyes and took a few minutes to get a grip before I spoke again. "I couldn’t see her – it was pitch black – but I could hear her – calling for help, begging for mercy – and Icouldn’tget to her. My seatbelt was jammed…I couldn’t free myself to get to her. I was completely trapped and had to watch my mother die. The feeling of beingthathelpless is something I never want to experience again. But the dark," I admitted, not knowing why I was telling Noah things I still couldn’t speak about with my uncle. "The dark brings that feeling back..."
"Jesus," Noah muttered as he shifted me on his lap so that I was straddling him. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he held my face to his chest. I could feel his heart hammering against my ear.
"So yeah that’s why," I mumbled shakily as I lifted my face and rested my shaking hands on his shoulders. "I'm not good with the dark or enclosed spaces." The last few words escaped my lips in a huge breath.
"Thisis not the same thing," he whispered and his lips touched my ear when he spoke, his hand cupped my neck, knotting in my hair. "You're safe with me."
"Promise?" I asked, leaning into his touch.
"I promise," he husked.
"Where did he go?"
Noah's arms tightened around me. "Who?" he asked softly.
"Your dad," I replied quietly. "You said he left you and your mom. Where did he go?"
Noah let out a deep breath. "He's dead, Thorn," he said in a gruff tone. "He died when I was fifteen."
"What was his name?"
"My dad?" Noah asked.
"Yeah."
"Antonio Messina," he replied. "What about yours?"
"Olivia," I whispered. "Her name was Olivia and she was wonderful." My throat felt tight and I had to breathe slowly to keep ahold of my emotions. "My dad… my dad's name is Patrick." I clenched my eyes shut, feeling the usual agony rip through me. "He's in Cork, serving a prison sentence."
"A prison sentence?" Noah's voice was gentle and understanding. "So that's why you…"
"Live with my mother's brother? Yeah," I mumbled. "Dad was driving the car that night – he was completely intoxicated. He got four years," I told Noah. "He should have been given a lot more." I didn’t mean that, or maybe I did… Ugh, it still crippled me.Torn between the two people who raised me…
"That's a shitty hand of cards, baby," Noah whispered and the comfort I got from his words was immense. He didn’t try to make light of what had happened, he didn’t fuss or freak out. He simply called it as he saw it.
"Teagan, I didn’t mean what I said about you not being worth the hassle," Noah added. "You ran out on me and I was pissed…It was my pride talking." He shifted slightly, pulling me closer.
"Noah, you were right," I whispered, feeling a sudden urge to clear my conscience. "I am a judgmental bitch."