Page 58 of Altered

No amount of alcohol could drown the sorrow inside of me.

"Jordan." Annabelle's voice filled my ears moments before she entered my peripheral vision. "Don’t do this," she whispered, staring at me with tear filled eyes. "Please."

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to comfort her, but nothing came out.

Because I hadnothingleft inside.

"Come on, Jordan," she begged, rushing towards me. "This isn’t the answer." Sinking down on the couch beside me, she placed her hand on my knee and said, "You are stronger than this."

Sighing wearily, I shook my head and tossed another mouthful down my throat. With burning eyes, I turned to look at her and said, "You need to get Ryder and go."

"Go?" She gaped at me in horror. "I'm not leaving you now."

"I'mnota good person, Annie," I bit out. "I know you think I am, but I'm really not… and I don’t want that boy growing up infected with my poison."

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Chapter Twenty

Hope

I was a prisoner of my own heart; torn between protecting the two men that at different points in my life, I had loved with everything I had inside of me. Keeping them both alive and out of prison was my goal, but in doing so, I had lost them both.

Hunter was gone, had driven away from me without so much as a backwards glance, and I honestly couldn’t blame him for leaving. I'd pushed him too far. Promised too much. Gone back on my word too many times.

As for Jordan? He might have been in the same house as me, but he was gone, too. The boy I'd loved my whole life wasn’t inside the man he was now. He'd told me that once, but I hadn't listened. Now I wished I had.

What he did to me; forcing my hand like that and using Hunter's freedom as a way to make me stay, was something I would never be able to forgive him for.

Having an affair was one the worst things I had ever done, but I couldn’t regret it, because I couldn’t regret Hunter. I just wished that I had done it all differently. Pulled out when my heart demanded me to. If I had just said no when he came back, this would be very different now. But I fucked it all up by trying to please people. I was so fucking done with that.

Never again.

"Hope," Jordan acknowledged, leaning in the doorway of our bedroom later that night. He'd been drinking all damn day and even though he was at least four feet from me, I could easily smell the whiskey wafting from him.

"Hope," he repeated.

I didn’t answer him.

I couldn’t.

I was so mad at him.

So instead, I glared at him, hoping that my look of absolute disgust could somehow portray how I was feeling. I prayed he would get the hint and leave mealonebecause I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to speak to him again. In fact, all I wanted him to do was go back downstairs and play happy families with hissurrogate familyand forget I existed. He'd been doing that so easily for the past few months that I didn’t think it would be too far of a stretch for him.

When he continued to stare at me, I shook my head and spat, "If you're sleeping in here tonight, then I'm not."

He flinched at my words and I was glad.

I wanted him to feel my pain.

Pushing off the door, he walked towards me. Immediately, I was on my feet and backing away from the bed. "I mean it," I warned him, holding up my hand to ward him off. "This marriage is over."

Wow.

The words I'd often contemplated saying aloud had come from my mouth with such force and sincerity that I had stunned myself.

I meant it.

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