Page 54 of Altered

And I never would.

"I need you to have patience," I begged. "Please, Hunter. Just give me a little time."

"I'vebeenpatient," he shot back angrily. "And it's always the same old shit. I can't help but feel like this is prolonged pain forme. Like you're delaying the inevitable and the one you're waiting to say goodbye to isme."

"This doesn’t change anything for me," I whispered, desperate for him to know at least half the truth. "Just…just give me some time to figure this out." My mind was reeling. Words of prolonged promise dripped from my tongue. "I meant what I said last night." I was trying to claw myself out of the mess I'd made, but it was fucking impossible.

Disgust and self-loathing were loaded inside of me like overflowing drums balancing on a tight rope. I felt poisoned from the inside out; my only consolation was the knowledge of his temporary safety.

"Come with me," Hunter growled, tone passionate, blue eyes searing me. "Just get in my truck and we can go. It's as easy as that."

Except it wasn’t.

"I can't," I choked out, silently begging him to understand.

"I love you, Hope," Hunter growled. "And I get that hearing those words coming out of the mouth of a man like me isn’t worth shit."

"Hunter, please, just –"

"But to me, you and that word mean the same damn thing," he continued to say, ignoring my plea. "And time? Time doesn’t mean shit, sweetheart. You don’t have to love someone the longest to love them the most. You just have to fucking love that someone and be fearless enough to show it. That's what I've been doing – been trying to do."

"God, Hunter…"

"I know what I am, Hope," he added gruffly. "What a huge leap of faith you'd be taking on me. But Iwon'tlet you down."

"I'mnotleaving him," I bit out, locked in a stare down with the only man I wanted to be with. "I have to stay."

I could only imagine what Hunter thought of me in this moment.

A liar?

A coward?

A bitch?

I was all of the above, and I would be those willingly if it kept him out of prison.

I watched Hunter's eyes harden as he clenched then unclenched his jaw.

"I can't walk away from him yet," I forced myself to say. "He's in pain…and I'm the one who put him there –"

"You think I give a shit about his pain?" Hunter demanded, furious. "Well, I don’t, Hope. I don’t care. About him. His feelings. Hisrecovery. I don’t give a fuck about any of it." Exhaling a pained growl, he ran his hand through his hair and snarled, "You're the only thing! The only goddamn person I care about. The rest? It's collateral fucking damage."

See, this wasexactlywhy I couldn’t tell him.

That streak of violence laying just beneath his surface was lethal.

If Hunter knew the truth, he wouldn’t hesitate in taking out the threat.

I'd seen exactly what he was capable of when he was defending my honor.

A shivered rolled through me at the memory.

"If you could just give me some time," I pleaded. "He's hurting so badly right now, Hunter, and I know you say you don’t care, but I do. I can't leave him –"

"No," he growled, rubbing his jaw. "I'm not doing that. I'm standing around listening to you feel sorry for the lost boy. I'm fighting my own damn demons, HC, and they're snapping at my heels most days, but you don’t hear me pissing and moaning." He tossed his cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with his boot. "I've got my own shit to handle."

I never wanted to be responsible for making a man look at me the way Hunter was looking at me right now. The pain and betrayal in his eyes all but broke me.

---