Page 151 of Altered

At night, I cried myself to sleep, and in my dreams, he visited me, keeping me safe in my subconscious, giving me the strength I would need to open my eyes and face another day on this earth without him in it.

Fragile and broken, that's how I described myself now.

The lyrics of my favorite songs held my deepest secrets now, and in playing those songs aloud, I confessed my sins to the world.

Like a priest with a collar and duty, the music would never betray me.

In the playlists of my heart, I allowed my pain to bleed freely, exposing myself for the true imperfect human I was.

With every chord and word and note that filled my ears, my soul wascleansed.

I played Fleurie'sHurts Like Hellon repeat for weeks, drowning in the lyrics.

I allowed myself to smother in my pain, feeling her words on a deeper level as I floated further into my depression.

I didn’t want to talk abouthimbecause they couldn’t possibly understand.

None of them.

I was alone in my grief. Just as it should be. I would never move on from him.

And this?

Having my soul spliced in half was my penance for the pain I had caused him.

He had died loving me.

And I would live on lovingonlyhim.

The child growing in my womb was the only thing keeping me here now.

The only thing that meant anything to me.

I would go on.

I would see this through.

I would put one foot in front of the other.

And I would do it forourchild.

For the life we had createdtogether.

I was carrying his legacy inside me, and this time, I would not fail him.

Our child would grow up knowing what an incredible, selfless, wonderful man his father was.

I would make sure of it.

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Chapter Sixty

Hope

When I woke this morning, my eyes were full of tears.

Even in my sleep I was crying.

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