Page 72 of Altered

I exposed my deepest, darkest secrets and fears to my best friend, and shelistened.

She listened with her hand in mine and her head on my shoulder.

The only part I kept to myself wasthat night.

The night Jordan…I couldn’t say the words.

I couldn’t verbalize what had happened between us.

Not when I wasn’t sure if it was true.

What had happened in my father's kitchen and what had happened in Jordan's bedroom had been polar opposite.

But I had felt the same both times.

Ihadn'twanted it.

Perception was reality, and I knew that his perception of that night was very different from mine.

In truth, I couldn’t bear to think of it.

It just didn’t make sense to me.

So I forced it to the back of my mind.

It was the only way I could cope.

After regaling her with the horrors of my last few weeks, Teagan let out a heavy sigh. "I get it, Hope," she said. "I really do. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to involve my parents in this either, but thisisn’tyour fight."

"Isn't it?" I croaked out. "Because I've got a pain in my heart and a hole in my face that says otherwise."

"And staying with him?" Her brown eyes flashed with anger. "You do realize that Jordan's blackmailing you, right? Emotional blackmail wasn’t working for him anymore, so he's pulled out the big guns?" She shook her head and released a growl. "God, I am so fucking mad right now, I can practically taste it."

"I don’t think he's doing this to hurt me," I muttered, hating myself for defending his behavior but needing to do it all the same. "You should have seen him that day, Teegs." I shuddered at the memory. "He was so angry. So…hurt." I blinked away the image before turning to my friend and saying, "I think he genuinely believes he's protecting me."

"Bullshit. He's protecting himself," Teagan snapped, not giving an inch. "Remember that Kenny Rogers' songThe Gambler?" Teagan chimed in. "You know the way it goes; know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em?"

"Yeah, I know the song," I replied. My father had often sung it to us when we were little. It was Cam's favorite. "What about it?"

"I think there is some awesome advice in the lyrics." She looked me dead in the eye and said, "And I think it's time to walk away from him, Hope, – or better still,run."

I was silent then, my mind reeling, as I tried to make sense of everything that had happened, and everything I would have to do. "You won't say anything, will you?" I finally whispered.

"No," she bit out. "But that's for you. I know you're right about Luck, if he knew any of this Jordan would be a dead man." She paused and clenched her jaw. "And even though I personally think someone needs to smack the shit out of him, I know what it would do to you."

"Thank you." I sagged in relief, grateful for being able to get it off my chest, and knowing that she wouldn’t tell.

"He's an asshole," Teagan grumbled.

"He's destroying himself." I sighed wearily. "With as much alcohol and drugs as he can get his hands on." I sighed. "I'm guessing that's where he is right now… chasing down his next fix."

"Hope, you need to get out here," she told me. "Seriously," she urged. "I know what I'm talking about. My father was a rip-roaring alcoholic, and a mean one at that. His addiction killed my mother. And I have no doubt that if I had let him stay in my life, he would have ruined mine too."

"I know that, Teegs," I replied. "It's just so fucking messy."

"And what about Lucky?" she asked. "Where does he stand in all this?"

"I'm so in love with him," I confessed, feeling the familiar sting in my eyes. "He's the reason I'm doing this, Teegs. Why I'm still here. Why I'm too scared to call Jordan's bluff and walk out. I can't risk Hunter's life for my happiness. Do you get that?" Exhaling a shaky breath, I added, "Allthat matters to me is keeping him out of prison. Nothing else."

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