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I felt like she had taken a knife to my chest, cut me right open, and every bit of me was bleeding into her. I was hard, painfully fucking hard, and not in the good way that could be relieved, but right now it didn’t matter.

I didn’t care if I was broken. I didn’t even care if I burst a stitch. I didn’t care about anything but the girl moaning and writhing on the couch beneath me.

20

A Crazy Fucking Amount

Shannon

Johnny told me to tell him what I wanted. It took me four hours to get the words out, and when I finally did, I stunned us both with my bluntness. The mortification I was feeling over how uncharacteristically forward I had been faded more and more with every thrust of his tongue as he kissed me deeply.

I could hardly breathe, my lungs were screaming in protest, but I knew I would rather die than go up for air. I felt like I was starving for him and the emotions driving me forward were overwhelming. He was so much bigger than me, so much broader, and it thrilled me. The weight of his body on top of mine was too much and not enough all at the same time. Every time I thought I couldn’t take the pressure, my hands dragged him down harder.

Breaking the kiss, he pulled himself up on his elbow. “Are you okay? Am I too heavy?” His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his hard breathing mirroring mine. “Am I hurting you?”

Reaching up, I snaked a hand around the back of his neck and tugged his face back down to mine. My hands were wrapped so tightly around his neck, I was sure I was cutting off circulation somewhere, but I couldn’t release him.

I physicallycouldn’tlet him go.

I was frightened, unsure, andsore.

And the only true thing I knew in this moment was that Itrustedthis boy.

“Don’t talk,” I begged. “Just keep kissing me.” Clutching him like a lifeline, I locked my legs around his waist. “Juststaywith me.”

“Fuck…” He groaned deep in his throat. “I am.” Exhaling a shaky breath, he pressed his lips to mine. “I’m staying.” His lips brushed against mine as he spoke and the sensation caused a shiver of pleasure to roll through me. “And I’m so fucking with you,” he whispered before sinking back down on me, pressing me deeper into the couch cushions as he settled heavily between my legs.

My breath hitched in my throat when his lips landed back on mine, hot and probing as he parted his lips and blew my mind with his skilled tongue. Closing my eyes, I tightened my legs that were around his waist, clinging to him for all I was worth. The move caused a pained growl to erupt from Johnny’s chest. I knew I was hurting him and that I should let go, but I physically couldn’t detach myself from him. My body felt like it had attached itself to his and, short of a tornado blowing through the room, I doubted anything could pry me off him.

He had one hand tangled in my hair and the other clamped down on my hip, fingers flexing against my flesh every time I met his skillful thrust with a tentative one of my own. His hips were moving in a slow, drugging rhythm against my crotch, circling and rocking against me, making me ache and yearn for something hidden deep inside of me, something that with every brush of his lips and every stroke of his tongue moved closer to my reach.

“I just feel like we should have a conversation—” Johnny tried again, breathing hard against my lips. “About where we both stand.” Resting his brow against mine, he lightly kissed me again before finishing, “Just so we’re on the same page.”

“Really?” I breathed, sliding my hands under the hem of his T-shirt and shivering when I was greeted with hot, toned flesh. I had to stifle a moan when I felt his abdominal muscles tighten and contract beneath my touch. “I, uh, I guess…” Distracted and overheated, I shook my head, desperately trying to clear my lust-filled thoughts. “Are you sure?”

“No,” he groaned, sounding pained and conflicted. “I just think that maybe we should.” He continued to rock against me as he spoke, angling those magic hips to cause maximum damage to my nerves. “Talk, that is.” He stared hard at me for a long, strained beat before exhaling heavily. “About us.” A huge tremor rolled through his powerful body. “Ah, fuck it—” And then he was back, kissing me, moving against me, making me shiver and tremble.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, fully clothed, just kissing and grinding, touching and whispering, until I honestly didn’t have an ounce of energy left in my body.

“You okay?” he whispered, nuzzling my cheek with his nose.

Nodding, I sighed in contentment and flexed my fingertips against his waist, wanting nothing more than to keep him here with me forever. “Just tired.”

Burying his face in my neck, Johnny inhaled a deep breath before pulling back to kneel between my legs. A cold shiver swept through me at the sudden lack of contact. The fire was almost out now, only one rogue orange ember remained, and the night air was seeping into my bones.

Leaning sideways, he grabbed his phone off the coffee table, knocking the empty pizza box over in the process. “Shite,” he muttered, and turned the screen to face me. “It’s half three in the morning.” He flicked on the flashlight on his phone so we could see in the darkness before setting it back down on the table and climbing stiffly off the couch. “I didn’t realize the time.”

I felt achingly shy as I pulled myself to my feet and watched him stretch his powerful arms over his head before shamelessly slipping a hand inside his sweatpants to readjusthimself.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” he asked, yawning sleepily. “There’s, like, half a dozen spare rooms. I can set you up in one.”

No, I want to stay with you.

I shifted uncomfortably, moving from foot to foot. “I don’t mind.”

“Do you want to stay down here with me?” he asked then, tone a little gruffer now. “Joey’s in my room so I was just going to crash on the couch and I—”

“With you,” I croaked out, already nodding in agreement. “I’d rather stay with you.”

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