Page 6 of Keeping 13

Thump…thump…thu…thump…

Door slamming.

Thuuuuump…thu…thu…thump…

“I love you, Shannon like the river…”

Thump, thump, thump, thump…

Devastation flooded my body, joined by deep regret. Johnny’s face was a beacon of lost hope behind my closed eyelids as I accepted the hand I had been dealt.

Hot tears of bitterness and regret dripped from my lashes, splashing onto my cheeks and mixing with the dried blood.

I felt so sad, like I had been robbed. Maybe in another life things could have been different. I could have been happy.

“I think I need you for keeps…”

“What’s wrong with her?” I heard someone demand then, someone who sounded an awful lot like Joey’s girlfriend, Aoife. “Why is she bleeding out of her mouth?”

“Don’t look so scared. I won’t hurt you…”

“Shannon! Shannon! Jesus Christ, do something!”

“Tell me who put their hands on you and I’ll make it better…”

“Look what you’ve done!” I heard my mother scream.

“I’ll look after you…”

“Call an ambulance.”

“You’re safe with me…”

“She’s dying. He killed my sister. And you’re doing nothing!”

“I won’t let you fall… It’s okay, I’ve got you…”

“Call a fucking ambulance!”

“Stay with me…”

I could feel the warmth of two hands against my face and reveled in the gentle touch. “Can you hear me?” Joey’s voice filled my ears. “I’m going to get you out of here, okay?”

“Just keep kissing me…”

“Shannon, can you hear me?”

“I love you, Shannon like the river…”

“Shan?” I felt something poke at my eyeball then, Joey’s fingers, I realized, as he lifted my lids. “Shannon, come on, talk to me.”

Eyelids fluttering open, I forced myself to focus on his terrified-looking face as he stared right back at me. “I’m going to get you help, okay?” He exhaled a ragged breath. “The ambulance is on the way.”

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out. My lips couldn’t form the words I needed.

“Shannon, breathe.” My mother crouched in front of me then, kneeling beside Joey’s feet, touching my face with one hand as she held a bag of frozen peas to my chest with the other. “Breathe, Shannon,” she kept repeating. “Breathe, baby.”

Was it helping? Was it making it worse?

---