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“Look where I am.” My cheeks burned. “I couldn’t keep lying to him.”

“Not that!” Mam snapped. “I mean you and him.” She shook her head again. “No, you’re vulnerable and he’s taking advantage of a bad situation.”

“What?” I gaped at her. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Are you sleeping with him?”

“What?”

“Are you having sex with that boy?”

“Oh my god! You’re so unbelievably disconnected.” I bit back a scream. “Darren was right. You needhelp.”

“Hehurtyou, Shannon,” Mam choked out. “He knocked you out, put you in the hospital.”

“Accidentally,” I spat out. “Unlike the man who you left in our lives, who likes to hurt us onpurpose.” I gestured wildly to myself. “I’m in the hospital again, Mam. Are you going to blame this on Johnny, too?”

Mam flinched. “If he had left you alone in the first place, then your father wouldn’t have had a reason to—”

“Don’t!” I warned, voice cracking. “Don’t you dare blame me for what he did to me.”

“I’m not,” she sobbed, crying again. “I’m sorry… I’m justterrifiedfor you.” Hurrying toward me, she sank down on the bed beside me. “Your father knows about him. What if he tries to find you through him? What if he sees you with him and it makes things worse?”

“He already knows where we live, Mam,” I said with a weary sigh. “If Dad wants to get me, he will.”

“Shannon…” Mam sobbed loudly. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth,” I replied, feeling emotionally drained. “If he wants to hurt us, he doesn’t need to go through my friends to do it. All he has to do is knock on the door and you’ll welcome him in with open arms.”

“No,” she said and sniffled. “I won’t do that again.”

“We’ll see.”

“I knew this would happen,” she whispered, reaching for my hand.

“You knew what would happen?” I asked, snatching my hand away.

“I saw the way he looked at you that day. At the school when I came to pick you up?” She exhaled a broken sob. “I knew he was going to be trouble.”

“He’s not trouble,” I urged. “He’s a good person, Mam—a great one. He’s training to be a professional rugby player, for god’s sake. He already plays for hiscountry. He’s smart and driven and kind. He’s so kind, Mam. He doesn’t take drugs or mess around like everyone else his age. He’s not the monster you’ve invented in your head.”

“Do you think I don’t know what it’s like to turn the head of a boy like that?” she asked. “Your father was all of those things. He wasn’t a bad man when I first knew him. He was wonderful. He was a star in his own right with the hurling. Everyone wanted to know him. He was adored, you know. Ballylaggin’s golden boy.”

“It’s not the same thing,” I choked out, feeling my body grow hot and panicky. “None ofthisis the same.”

“It’sallthe same,” she shot back brokenly. “And look at me now, Shannon.” She waved a hand aimlessly around the room. “Look where boys like that get girls like us. One mistake is all it takes. One slipup and your life is over. You’ll be saddled down with more responsibility than you can cope with, and he’ll blame you for everything. He’ll blame you for taking his future from him. For changing the course of his life. For making him a father when he’s still a boy. Repeat my mistakes, Shannon, and that boy will blame you and resent you and break you until there’s nothing of you left to hurt.”

“I’m not you,” I choked out. “And he’s not Dad.”

“Yet,” she replied sadly. “Not yet.”

“Stop talking.”

Mam balked. “Wh-what?”

“You don’t get to do this to me,” I said, shaking. “You don’t get to scare me away from the onegoodthing in my life.”

“I’m not trying to scare you, Shannon. I’m trying to help you,” she pleaded. “Trying toprotectyou.”

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