Page 282 of Keeping 13

Johnny

“You don’t have to come with me, son,” Dad said for the tenth time as we drove through Ballylaggin town. “I can turn around and take you home.”

“I’m coming.” I couldn’t stay at home. I needed out of that house and away from the screaming. The doctor had arrived a while ago and gave Shannon some sort of injection to sedate her. She was sleeping now, curled up in a small ball and passed out cold on my bed. I held her while the doctor took care of her, unable to let her go, until she finally gave in and let sleep take her. Mam was still in the sitting room with Darren and the younger boys. They were still weeping and sobbing their hearts out. It was too much to take and I felt like I was smothering in their grief.

“I need to not be there right now,” I admitted, knees bopping restlessly. I couldn’t do shit in that house, but I could help my father get Joey. Billy had called to let Dad know that Joey had shown up at the house and was understandably hysterical. He’d managed to barge his way past the authorities and make a break for the house before the firemen dragged him back out. The Gards couldn’t make any hand of him and didn’t want to arrest or restrain him. They were looking for a next of kin, someone to help him and take him away from the area, but all the Lynchs had was an eightysomething-year-old great-grandmother—and us.

“It’s going to be daunting,” Dad said as he turned up the familiar hill to Shannon’s house. “The fire’s not out yet—and they might not have moved the bodies. Are you sure you can handle it?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He glanced sideways at me. “Johnny, are you sure?”

I nodded stiffly. “I need to do this, Da.”

Flames, smoke, and fire were all I could see, all I could smell when my father pulled onto the street. Reality came crashing down on me as I took in the sight of Shannon’s house burning. Jesus Christ, I’d been in that house just a couple of hours ago.

Those kids…

Shannon…

A shudder rolled through me.

They could have all been burned to death.

“Da,” I choked out, eyes locked on the ambulance and fire engines. “I had the chance to save her and I didn’t…”

“No,” my father replied, cutting me off as he parked the car and turned to face me. “You saved her children.”

“But she wasrightthere,” I choked out, shaking. “Right in front of me.” I dropped my head in my hands. “And now they don’t have anyone.”

“They still have us,” Dad corrected, unfastening his seat belt. “And I still have you.” Reaching over, he grabbed my neck and forced me to look at him. “You could have died in that house tonight,” he whispered. “I could have lost my boy—” He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled a ragged breath. “I’d throw the whole world away to keep you—them included—and I’m not sorry for it.”

“I’m fine, Da,” I choked out. “I’m okay—”

“Then don’t do this to yourself,” he ordered, smoothing my hair back. “You did everythingright. You are agoodman. You saved herchildren.”

“I feel so responsible,” I confessed.

“Don’t,” he replied, steely-blue eyes locked on mine. “This isnoton you. This is the work of a madman.”

“How could he do that?” I croaked out. “I don’t understand…”

“Neither do I, son,” Dad replied. “And I don’t want to.” Pressing a kiss to my brow, he leaned back and looked me straight in the eye. “I need to go and get Joey now,” he said calmly. “You can stay in the car, Johnny. You don’t need to come with me—”

Commotion surrounding a group of Gardaí caught my attention, and we both turned to see Joey thrashing around like a maniac, throwing off a blanket they were trying to place over his shoulders. He was frantic and screaming as he tried to push and barge his way into the house. He was all on his own. The last Lynch, standing all alone. “My brothers and sister!” he was screaming, as he pushed against the Gardaí holding him back. “Let me the fuck in!”

“There’s no one else inside.”

“You’re wrong!” he roared. “My brothers and sister are upstairs! They’re inside that house. You have to let me get them. I left them! I left them in there with her!”

“Ah, shit,” Dad muttered, as he climbed out of his Mercedes and jogged toward the house. “Joey? It’s alright, lad.”

“I left them in there!” he continued to scream. “Get your fucking hands off me, you dirty pig—”

“Ah, shite.” Unfastening my seat belt, I shoved the car door open and rushed for the house. Ducking under the tape, I moved straight for my girlfriend’s brother, slipping past the authorities trying to stop me. “Joe, it’s okay—”

“Kav,” he choked out, noticing me. “I fucking left them in there.” Tears were dripping down his soot-stained cheeks as he broke free from a Garda’s hold and ran straight for me. “You have to help me get them out,” he panted, eyes wild and clothes covered in soot and smoke stains. “I walked out… I got pissed and left, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave them, so I came back, but the house was… And my mother… Fuck, Shannon…Tadhg! Nobody’s listening to me—”

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