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I had no clue what was wrong with him—I presumed he was sulking over being thrown out by Claire’s mother—but right now I couldn’t worry about it because I was going to fuck myself, dammit, and his problems weren’t my top priority.

When I stepped inside my house, I had a feeling Jesus Christ himself was looking down on me because my mother was on a work call, barking orders into a headset while she paced the kitchen floor with a folder in her hand. I swear to God, I could have dropped to my knees and broken out in prayer at the sight. When she tried to make eye contact with me, I quickly hurried upstairs, using the crutch more for her sake than for mine.

Temporarily evicting Sookie from my room, I swung the door shut and started ripping off my clothes. Why I felt the need to strip down bollocks naked, I would never understand, but I was burning the hell up and needed the reprieve.

Feeling a fucked-up concoction of excitement and fear rush through my body, I sat, still as a statue on the edge of my bed, and stared down at my fully erect dick.

Here it goes…

With my entire body coiled tight with tension, I dropped a hand and held my breath, waiting for the pain I was so damn used to feeling—the one I associated with my dick.

One stroke…

Two strokes…

Three tentative strokes…

When the pain didn’t come, I released the breath I’d been holding in, flopped onto my back, and stared up at the ceiling. “Thank you, Jesus.”

Closing my eyes, I drummed up every depraved image I had of Shannon and went to town on myself.

34

Flashing Lights and New Information

Shannon

My body was coiled tight with tension the entire drive back to my house. The familiar feeling of dread had resumed its post of strangling the good out of my day. All thoughts of Johnny had retreated back into the box in my mind that I kept him safe inside of, as I numbed out all emotions and switched into survival mode. It was like locking sunshine in an old, cobwebbed chest, not trusting the darkness around me not to taint it.

Like a sixth sense buried deep down inside of me, I knew there was trouble before I saw it. I could feel my body temperature dipping to the point of arctic, with my blood turning to ice in my veins. Every muscle in my body clenched tight with fearful anticipation.

I wasn’t naive enough to try and assure myself that everything was fine this time. The sight of my house lit up like a Christmas tree, with every window flooding yellow orbs of light, and the line of cars parked next to the usually deserted footpath outside, not to mention the blue and yellow Garda car, was sign enough that my silent affirmations would indeed be fruitless ones.

“Shannon, pet,” Mrs. Biggs said in a concerned tone when she pulled up outside of my house. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s probably fine,” I croaked out, quickly unfastening my seat belt as the jagged claws of panic tore at my gut. “Thanks for the spin, Mrs. Biggs,” I added, reaching for the door handle.

“Wait—would you like me to come with you?” Claire’s mother asked, tone laced with tenderness, as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “I can park up, honey, and walk you in—”

“No, no, it’s fine,” I mumbled, shoving the passenger door open and thanking my lucky stars that Claire had stayed at her house rather than come for the drive. “But I better go inside now.”

Mrs. Biggs, who looked so much like Claire, worried her lip for a long moment, clearly anxious.

Not as much as I am…

“Will you call Claire later on?” she finally asked, eyeing me with wariness. “Just to check in?”

I nodded, offered her a small smile, and then hurried out.

Deep breaths,I chanted to myself the entire walk from the footpath to my front door.Whatever’s happened, you can handle it.

Just keep breathing, Shannon.

When I reached the front door, a horrible wave of déjà vu wafted through me, and for a moment I just stood there, my fingers curled around the door handle and my entire body spazzing out of control.

He’s in there,my brain hissed.Run away, Shannon. Get away now!

My choices were taken away from me when the door swung inward and my eyes landed on Joey. I drank in the sight of his blood-free face for a moment before a huge shudder racked through me.

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