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“Well, shite.” Feeling thoroughly defeated, I ended the call and dropped my phone down beside me before slumping back on the pillows.

Was I hallucinating this whole thing?

No, I knew I was in the hospital. I knew she had been here to see me. But maybe I was concentrating on the wordfatherbecause I had been so surprised to see my own father here when I opened my eyes.

Mashing my lips together, I ignored the tingling, numbing sensation and tried to think clearly.

I was missing something. When it came to Shannon Lynch, I felt like I was always three steps behind.

Drowsy, I tried to keep my head clear, but it was impossible with the warm, tingling feeling inside of me demanding I close my eyes and absorb the feeling of nothing.

“If you want to know what goes on inside that head of hers, then be worth it…”

“Fuck you, Joeythe hurler,” I slurred, throwing the covers off my body. “Iamworth it.” Dropping my feet to the floor, I caught ahold of the IV pole and pulled myself into a standing position. Every muscle in my body painfully protested the movement, but I forced it down and staggered toward the door.

“Johnny!” Mam exclaimed when she found me in the hallway a few minutes later. She was holding two plastic cups in her hands and staring at me with a horrified look on her face. “What are you doing out of bed, love?”

“I need to go home,” I grunted, dragging my IV along with me as I bared my ass to the world in the cloth hospital gown held up only by my broad shoulders. “Right now, Ma,” I added, as I pushed off the wall I had been temporarily resting against, ignored the searing pain coursing through my body, and stumbled clumsily down the corridor. “I need to go.”

“Go?” Mam scoffed. “You’ve just had surgery.” Rushing to intercept me, she placed her hands on my chest and glared up at me. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I am.” I shook my head and tried to step around her. “I’m going back to Cork.”

“Why?” Mam demanded as she once again intercepted my move and blocked my path. “What’s the matter?”

“Something’s wrong,” I bit out, feeling woozy and light-headed. “Shannon.”

“What?” Concern flashed in Mam’s eyes. “What’s wrong with Shannon?”

“I don’t know,” I snapped, feeling agitated and helpless. “But Iknowsomething’s wrong.” Frowning, I tried to chase my thoughts, to make sense of what I was feeling, but only managed to come up with “I have to help her.”

“Baby, it’s the meds,” she replied, looking at me with this fucked-up sympathetic gaze. “You’re not feeling yourself.”

I shook my head, at a complete loss. “Ma,” I croaked out hoarsely, “I’m telling you, there’s somethingwrong.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because—” Exhaling heavily, I sagged against the wall and shrugged helplessly. “I canfeelit.”

“Johnny, love, you need to lie down and rest.”

“You’re not listening to me,” I growled. “I know, Ma. I fucking know, okay?”

“What do you know?”

I dropped my head in defeat. “I don’t know what I know, but I know Ishouldknow!” Frustrated and confused, I blurted out, “But she knows, and I know, and she won’t tell me, but I swear they all fucking know, Ma!”

“Okay, love,” Mam coaxed, wrapping her arm around me. “I believe you.”

“You do?” I croaked out, feeling drowsy but slightly sated. “Thank Jesus, ’cause nobody’s listening to me around here.”

“Of course I believe you,” she replied, patting my chest as she led me back to my room. “And I’m always listening to you, pet.”

“You are?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I hate being lied to, Ma,” I added, resting far too much of my weight on her slim body. “And she’s always lying to me.” My nose twitched and I mashed my lips together, trying to fight off the numbness in my face as a familiar scent wafted up my nostrils. “I like the smell coming off you, Ma.” I sniffed again, inhaling the scent. “Smells like home.”

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