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Johnny

I held her hand tighter than I knew I should, but I couldn’t help it. Taking her back there felt all fucking wrong. Even now, sitting in the back of my mother’s Range Rover with Shannon beside me and Joey up front, I was struggling to cope with the feelings battering me.Wrong, wrong, wrong.That was all I could think as Mam took the familiar turn off to their council estate.

Sweat beaded my brow as my body literally thrummed with more emotions than I knew how to handle. I felt like I was going to explode and I wanted to screamDon’t go back. I wanted to beg my mother todo something. To juststop this.

Logic told me to go to my physio, get my shit done, and stick to the bleeding plan. Problem was, my heart was screaming another plan entirely. I needed to think about the consequences, but they just wouldn’t come to me.

Fuck, this family was going to ruin me.

Joey was silent for the entire drive, his body rigid, and it was as plain as the nose on his face that going home was the very last thing he wanted to do.

But he was doing it anyway.

Forher.

Shannon’s entire focus was on our joined hands. She had my hand pulled onto her lap, and she was holding it just as tightly as I was holding hers.

With her free hand, she trailed her slender fingers over the scar on the back of my hand, the one I’d gotten in a rugby match years ago. She kept touching that scar over and over again, trailing her fingers up and down and over it until I felt like snatching it away because her anxiety was palpable and drowning me. Her hair was falling forward, her small face hidden behind her dark locks as she bent her head and studied that scar.

Several times, I reached over and stopped her hand, but the minute I let go, she started right back up. In the end, I just gave in and let her do what she wanted to me.

When my mother parked the Range Rover outside their house, neither Joey nor Shannon moved a muscle.

Switching off the engine, Mam sighed heavily and then unfastened her seat belt. “Okay, you two,” she announced, voice strained from the effort it was taking her to sound happy. “Let’s go.”

I wanted to roar at her, beg her to do something I knew in my heart she had no power to do, because the panic rising up in me at the prospect of not seeing Shannon again, of not knowing whether she was okay or not, was driving me insane.

“Thanks for the spin, Mrs. Kavanagh,” Shannon finally said. With a small nod to herself, she released my hand, gave me a little smile, and then moved for her seat belt. “And for the scones.”

“Yeah,” Joey added, tone low, pushing the door open. “Thank you both.”

“You’re both more than welcome,” Mam replied, voice thick now. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the door. I need to have a little chat with your mother.”

“Wait,” I choked out when Joey and Mam had climbed out. Catching ahold of Shannon’s hand, I pulled her back into the SUV. “Don’t go.”

Shannon’s eyes were wide and full of confusion when she said, “I have to.”

“Don’t,” I said again, knowing I was asking for the impossible but asking for it anyway. I shook my head and bit back a growl. “I don’t like this.”

“It’s okay, Johnny,” she replied with a small sigh. “I’m okay.”

No, no, no!“Just…” Exhaling a pained breath, I leaned back on my seat and tried to think of something, anything to stop this, but came up empty. “You’re sure he’s not coming back?” I finally asked, still holding on to her hand. “You’re sure you’re safe?” I turned to look at her. “I can’t take it.” My voice cracked. “Not knowing.”

“I…” She closed her mouth and glanced down at my hand before turning her attention back to me. “I’ll be safe.”

She wasn’t sure.

She wasn’t fucking sure and neither was I.

Dammit to hell.

“Here.” Digging into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and handed it to her. “Take this with you.”

“Wh-what are you doing?” Blinking down at the phone in her hands, she whispered, “Why are you giving me your phone?”

“So you can call me.”

“But this isyourphone, Johnny.” Her brow furrowed. “How am I supposed to—”

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