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“Like breaking out of hotel rooms in the middle of the night to come see me.” Johnny turned to look at me then. “Like bringing me to see you today.”

“Thank you,” I breathed, feeling something shift inside of me, pulling me toward him. “For coming back.”

“Shannon, I…” He stopped himself short and released a heavy sigh. “Come here,” he said instead, lifting his arm. “Let me keep you warm.”

Desperate for physical contact, I closed the space between us and burrowed into his side. His arm came around me and a shiver rolled through me when I felt his lips brush the top of my head. “Let’s do this,” he whispered, turning the volume up on the television.

We didn’t say anything else after that.

19

Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not?

Johnny

I won the battle of the best-friend versus boyfriend, and it felt fucking fabulous.

Round one to me.

Except I wasn’t even sure if I was her boyfriend.Boyfriend: that was a stupid word. Jesus, I needed to get a handle on myself.

Now that Ifinallyhad Shannon alone, I didn’t know what to do. She looked so uncertain earlier that it had chipped away at my conscience to the point where I pulled back. Iwantedto kiss her, but I didn’t know ifshewanted me to, and that was a problem for me. Because contrary to Claire’s assumptions, Ididn’twant to jump the gun. I didn’t want to dump my feelings on top of her and take advantage.

Everything about Shannon’s life had changed so drastically, and in such a short time, that I didn’t want to make a mistake with her. Most of all, I didn’t want her to regretme. And now here we were, back on my couch, with no secrets standing between us or training to rush off to. No, all that stood between us now was fear of the unknown.

For the first time in almost eighteen years, I felt like I was standing at a pivotal crossroads in my life. I didn’t need to ask myself which path I was going to take—my feet were already moving toward her—but I was conflicted because I knew the path was a short one. If my father and doctors were right, and I did manage to make it onto the team in June, that meant I had two months left with her. Two months and I would be out of here. Come June, I would veer off that path.

Suddenly, the prospect of the U20s wasn’t as appealing as before. The tunnel vision I had lived by my whole life, the one with only rugby in sight, was clouded and blurry now. Trying to do the right thing for my future and doing what was right for mypresentwas the reason I felt so fucking torn up over this girl.

I just wantedtimewith her. Away from her family and rugby. Away from everything. Just me and her. I wanted to hit pause on my life and justkeepher. Strong words for a person my age, but I trusted my instincts and my gut. All of those were encouraging me, assuring me that I was dead on the money because this girl was the girl for me. The one I was supposed to keep. I could make my way through a mountain of pussy and it wouldn’t mean a thing because I had caught feelings for her.

“Are you okay?” Shannon’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I shifted my gaze from the flames crackling in the fireplace to her face. She was sitting with her back resting against the arm of the couch, buried beneath the blanket I had dumped on top of her hours ago. She had her arms hooked loosely around her knees and was looking at me expectantly.

Unable to recall a word of what she had just said to me, I ran a hand through my hair and stretched. “Sorry, what was that?”

“You got up to put coal in the fire an hour ago, and you’ve been staring at the mantelpiece ever since,” she explained in that soft voice of hers. “The film’s over, Johnny, and the telly’s gone blank.”

“Shite, it has?” I looked around and noticed we were sitting in the darkness with only the fire illuminating the room. “Sorry. I must have zoned out.”

Shannon frowned in concern and I felt her foot stroke the side of my thigh. “Is it the medication you’re taking?” Her voice was laced with sympathy, her toes stroking my thigh soothingly. “Does it make you drowsy?”

“No, it’s not the meds.”It’s the fact that I’ve spent days rehearsing what I want to say to you in my head, and now I can’t get the words out.“I don’t know what happened to me.”You happened to me, and now I’m completely fucked.“I’m just running on empty, I guess.”Because we’ve been sitting here all night and still haven’t addressed the elephant in the room.“Sorry, Shan.”

Whatever I said caused her to smile and I arched a brow. “Something funny about that?”

“You called me Shan,” she said, grinning.

“Yeah…” I grinned back at her. “So?”

“My friends call me Shan,” she explained. “Well, the girls and Joey.”

“Am I not your friend?” I teased, shifting around to face her. “Or is that pet name reserved only for members of yourinner circle?”

“No, no, you are my circle,” she blurted out and then grimaced. “I meant you’reinmy circle.Inmy circle—notaremy circle.” She dropped her head in her hands and groaned. “Ugh, I’m bad with people.”

Laughing, I reached under the blanket and snatched her foot. Fuck knows why I did it, but I had her bleeding foot in my hand now so I went with it.Gibsie was right; I had an issue with taking things that weren’t mine. “Relax,” I said, setting her foot down on my lap. “I know what you meant.”

Shannon’s eyes flicked to where I was holding her foot on my lap, and I waited to see what she would do next. If she pulled back, I would let her. But shedidn’t. Instead she poked her other foot out from under the blanket and placed it on my lap with the first. Her eyes flicked back to mine, clearly waiting to gauge my reaction.

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