Page 305 of Keeping 13

“Johnny got the call up!” Gibsie blurted out, throwing me right under the bus. “Johnny got the call up. Johnny got the call up. Focus on that!”

“What?” Hughie’s eyes widened and his head snapped toward me. “You got the call up?”

“You did?” Feely demanded, eyes wide in astonishment. “When?”

Shannon stiffened beside me and I mentally envisioned myself standing up and beating the ever-living shite out of my best friend. “Thanks,friend,” I bit out, glowering at Gibsie.

“Yes!” Claire squealed, nodding eagerly. “Please god, focus onthat.”

“And not what I did to your sister,” Gibsie agreed.

“What the fuck did you do to my sister?” Hughie demanded. “If you put that metal rod near her, I’m going to cut it off—”

“Johnny got called up for the senior team, too,” Gibsie said, driving over me with his double-decker bus once again in his pathetic attempt to cover his tracks. “U20sandsenior.”Keep fucking mowing me down, why don’t you…“He got two call-ups!”

“Holy Jesus, you did it, Cap!” Stumbling to his feet, Hughie clutched his chest and gaped in wonder. “You actually fuckingdidit!”

“The senior team? Oh Christ, I’m going to throw up,” Feely announced, breathing hard through his nose. “I’m so proud and so scared for you right now that I can’t feel my feet.”

“I’m only a reserve for the senior team,” I said, feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

“Andstartingoutside center for the U20s,” Gibsie reminded me. “I guess the number 13 isn’t so unlucky for you, is it, Cap?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I said, eyeing my girlfriend warily. Yeah, I was on the cusp of being rewarded for everything I had worked for. I had spent the past twelve years in beast mode, working to achieve the elusive career that was now knocking on my door. All the sacrifices I made in my life: skipping parties, controlling my food intake like a robot, and training until my body hit its breaking point. Being a boring bastard, pumping it out in the gym on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings instead of hanging out with my friends. It had all been for this exact moment. To get to this point. To be recognized for who I was and what I was capable of achieving. To be taken into the coach’s office last Saturday and be told that Iwasgood enough. That Ihadmade it.

And instead of feeling fulfilled, I feltempty. Because somewhere along the way, without my brain or heart’s permission, my dreams and goals for my future had shifted. I didn’t even notice the shift happening. I didn’t feel the full force of my apprehension until this exact moment in time as I was hit with the sudden realization that I didn’t want any of this withouther. The contract looming over my head, the one I was guaranteed with my home province in Dublin if I performed during the summer games, meant absolutely nothing if it tookmeaway fromher. Because she would be here, and I would be leaving. And how the fuck could I leave her after everything?

Getting onto the U20s squad had been my plan for so long, and I was starving for my shot. I’d earned it. Iwantedit. Jesus, of course I wanted it. More than almost anything in the world. Justnotmore than her.

I was feeling thoroughly conflicted, and with the prospect of traveling with the senior team for the summer tour, combined with the death of Shannon’s parents and upheaval of her life, I was completely torn apart.

I knew what I needed to do forme, but it wasn’t the same as what I needed to do forus. If I left, it meant walking away from her during a time when she needed me most. She had her junior cert exams coming up, and her brother was in rehab. Her fucking world had fallen down around her, and I was contemplating chasing a rugby ball around a pitch half a world away.

For days, I’d wrestled with telling Shannon about the squad, struggling with forming the words to explain it, before deciding to put all talk of rugby on the back burner until after the funeral. Now that the cat was out of the bag, courtesy of my eejit best friend, Shannon was juststaringat me with an expression I couldn’t fathom.

Silently raging with Gibsie for opening his mouth today of all damn days, I quickly hurried on. “I’m not even sure if I’m going yet, and it’s another few weeks away, so can we not talk about it? At least until we get school out of the way? We still have this week and next week to go. And final exams—”

“No,” both Hughie and Feely shot back in outrage.

“All of the dreaming and scheming, the early mornings and the countless grind and hustle?” Hughie shook his head and stared at me like he didn’t recognize my face anymore. “You’re finally going to show the world what you’re made of, Cap.”

“This is a huge deal, Johnny,” Feely added. “Like, colossally huge.”

“It’s really not,” I muttered, playing it down as I ran a hand through my hair in sheer exasperation. “So can we all just calm down?”

“Actually, it’s probably the biggest deal of your life to date.” Lizzie decided to join the fold. “Just saying.”

“Could you notjust say,” I snapped, flustered. “Jesus, today is not the day to talk about this.”

“Congratulations,” Shannon choked out, tears trickling down her cheeks. “You did it.”

Was she happy? Was she sad? I didn’t know. I had no fucking clue. All I could think of was her heartbroken face as she watched her mother being lowered into the ground only a few short hours ago. I wanted to tell her I wouldn’t go—that I’d stay right here with her. And I truly would if she wanted me to…but a part of me wasdesperatefor this opportunity. I was disgusted with myself for feeling this way, but I couldn’t change it. “Shan, don’t cry, baby. It’s not a definite yet. I haven’t made any dec—”

“Youdid it!” she cried and then threw her arms around me. “You made it, Johnny!” Scrambling onto my lap, she wrapped her arms and legs around me and squealed. “Oh my god, I’m so proud of you.”

My brows shot up in surprise. “You are?”

“Of course,” she sniffled, pulling back to smile at me. “You fought for this, Johnny.” Stroking my cheeks, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. “You’ve earned this.”

---