Page 288 of Keeping 13

“The summer,” I replied, feeling numb to the bone as I hammered the board down. “It’s a ninety-day program, but it depends on how he copes. It might take longer. It might take less.” Shrugging, I added, “He wants to do it.”

“That’s good,” Gibsie agreed, tone steady, as he passed me up another board to hammer down. “He’s only eighteen. He’s got as good a chance as any of beating it.”

“And the rest of them?” Feely asked. “What happens to Shannon and the younger ones?”

“They’re staying here,” I said. “Da pushed for an emergency hearing. Himself and Ma were approved temporary guardianship.”

“And Darren was okay with that?” Gibsie asked, looking confused.

“Apparently, he supported it,” I said wearily. “He’s still staying here.”

“But he won’t stay forever, right?” Gibsie asked. “He’ll go back to Belfast eventually?”

“Who fucking knows anymore, lad.” I shrugged, feeling stupid for not having the answers. “My folks said he can stay for as long as he wants.”

“And Shannon?” Feely asked. “How’s she doing?”

My shoulders sagged in defeat. “She’s a mess.”

“Where is she now?”

“Last I saw, she was with Joey,” I mumbled. “They were holed up in one of the spare bedrooms together. They don’t leave each other’s side.” I shook my head. “They’re like magnets.”

“What about the others?”

“I don’t know if Sean understands what’s happening, but Ollie and Tadhg are as good as you can expect given the fact that their father just burned himself and their mother alive,” I said bluntly.

Feely flinched. “Jesus.”

“I don’t even know what to say, lad,” Hughie choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah? Well, me too.” Turning my attention back to the tree house, I hammered the last floorboard into place. “I should have dragged her out of that house with me when I had the chance.” Furious with myself and the whole damn world, I tossed the last of the nails down, and then I flung my hammer for good measure. “Her blood is on my hands. Those kids have no mother because I left her in that house. Withhim. I looked her in the eyes and I walked away. I left her to burn. It’s onme.”

“No, it fucking is not!” Gibsie snapped, climbing up the old rickety ladder to join me in the newly floored tree house. “We’ve been through this. That kid Sean was a walking explosion, Johnny! The entire house was rigged to go up in flames the minute that psycho freak sparked that match,” he continued to rant. “You saved four lives, lad. Fourinnocentlives—five, including yourself. Don’t punish yourself, becauseyoudid more for that family than anyone else.”

“I just feel so responsible,” I choked out.

“Oh, you will be responsible,” Gibsie shot back, eyes narrowed. “For me throwing you off this fucking tree if I ever hear that shit come out of your mouth again.”

“I just—”

“You arenotresponsible!”

“But I—”

“Hughie, get me the hammer,” Gibsie ordered. “I’m going to beat some sense into his big stupid brain!”

“It’s how I feel, lad,” I snapped.

“Then your feelings are all fucked up!” Gibsie countered. “So, stop it!”

“Stop it?”

“Yes. Stop it,” Gibsie growled. “Stop feeling like that. It’s dumb. It’s pointless. You’re making yourself miserable. You’re a fucking hero and if you don’t cop on and get a fucking handle on yourself, you’re going to be a dead hero because I’ll kill you, Johnny. You know I’ll do it!”

“Uh, that’s probably not the best threat given the circumstances, Gibs,” Hughie interjected.

“I know what it’s like, Johnny,” Gibsie barked. “I’ve been there, so I can tell you to stop. I have the right and the experience to tell you to get a fucking grip. You did what you could and you did a damn good job. Nowenough. Stop torturing yourself. Dwelling won’t change what happened to her. All it’s going to change is what happens toyou—present and future tenses.”

---