Page 284 of Keeping 13

“She’s upstairs sleeping,” I told him, trying to keep my voice steady. “In my room. You can go up to her if you want, lad,” I coaxed, edging closer to him with my hands up. “Whatever you want to do—”

“Don’t touch me,” he spat out, batting at my father’s hand when he reached for him. Looking startled, he shook his head and hissed, “Just…just stay back.”

“Joey, it’s okay,” I coaxed, closing the space between us. “You’re okay—”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he hissed again, shoving at my chest. “I don’t want—”

The sitting room door swung open before he had a chance to finish his sentence and my mother appeared in the doorway. “Oh, Joey, love,” Mam sobbed, moving straight for Joey. Not stopping until her hands were cupping his cheeks, my mother looked up at him. “Oh, my poor sweetheart,” she soothed, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. “Come here to me.”

Holding my breath, I watched him warily, praying that he didn’t do anything in this moment to make me have to hurt him. If he lashed out at my mother, grief-stricken or not, I would lose my bleeding mind.

Exhaling a ragged breath, he slumped against her, arms shooting out to clutch her tightly. “What am I going to do?”

“I’m here,” Mam whispered in his ear as she stroked his hair and rubbed his back. “Shh, I’m right here for you, Joey, love.”

“You came back,” Ollie sobbed as he came running out of the sitting room. “Tadhg! Joey’s here.” Mam stepped aside just as Ollie threw himself at his brother. “I knew you’d come back,” he cried. “I told them all.”

“O-ee,” Sean wailed, toddling into the hallway with his hands out. “O-ee!”

Sinking to his knees on the hallway tiles, Joey scooped his baby brother into his arms. “I’m sorry, Seany-boo.” Sniffling, he hooked an arm around Ollie and held both boys to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Ol.”

“Mammy’s in heaven,” Ollie cried. “The Gards said Daddy took her away.”

Joey nodded and pulled them closer. “It’s okay.”

Mam buried her face in my father’s chest, sobbing quietly. “Shh,” Dad whispered, wrapping an arm around her. “It’s okay, baby.”

“But she’s gone,” Ollie wept. “Gone to heaven without us.”

“Mammy,” Sean cried. “Mammy gone.”

“She’s not gone, guys,” Joey whispered, sniffling. “She’s just an angel now instead.”

“An angel?” Ollie sniffled, looking up at Joey. “With wings?”

“Yeah. Big beautiful wings,” he choked out, wiping his cheek against his shoulder. “A special angel just for you.”

“Daddy?” Sean asked, looking wary. “Ow, ow.”

“Daddy’s all gone,” Joey promised. “No more ow, Sean.”

“Mammy’s an angel?” Ollie whispered, sounding almost reverent. “Wow.”

“Yeah, and she’s watching you right now,” Joey continued to speak in a low, hushed voice to his brothers. “She doesn’t want to see you crying. That would m-make her sad. You need to be h-happy—” His voice broke off and he dragged in several sharp breaths before continuing. “Think happy thoughts, okay?”

“You left.” Tadhg’s sharp voice came from the sitting room doorway. Tears dripped down his cheeks as he stared at Joey, jaw jutting out. “You fuckingleftus!”

“Leave him alone,” Ollie defended, sniffling. “He’s back now.”

“O-ee no go,” Sean croaked out. “O-ee stay with Sean.”

“I know,” Joey choked out, voice trembling, as he stared back at his brother. “I’m sorry.”

“I hate you!” A small sob of pain tore from Tadhg’s throat, and then he was running, barreling against Joey, folding himself up in his big brother’s arms. “I fucking hate you,” Tadhg sobbed as he clung to Joey. “I hate you so much.”

“I know.” Clenching his eyes shut, Joey held all three boys against him. “Me too.”

“You found him,” Darren said, voice thick with emotion and relief, as he stood in the doorway where Tadhg had just been, eyes locked on my father. “Thank you.” Staggering forward, he hesitated for the briefest moment before crouching down beside his brothers. “Hey, Joe.”