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“And I accept it,” Johnny stunned me by saying. He didn’t need to accept anything from Darren. He’d been treated terribly by both my brother and my mother. “No hard feelings,” Johnny added, giving my brother a clipped nod. “But I’m still not going anywhere.”

“Yeah.” Darren sighed. “I’m beginning to gather that.”

Johnny sniffed. “Just so we’re clear.”

“We’re clear, Kavanagh,” Darren replied before turning to me and asking, “Are you coming with me?”

Am I?

Was he giving me an actual choice?

I frowned. “Huh?”

“Are you coming home now?” Darren repeated slowly. “Or later?”

“I, uh…” Shaking my head, I looked at my brother and said, “Now.”

“You sure?” Johnny asked, stiffening behind me. “I can take you home.”

“You have training,” I whispered. “And I need to go home and get cleaned up.”

“I don’t have to go, Shannon,” Johnny told me, tone uncertain, eyes flicking between me and Darren. “I can stay with you.”

I wanted to screamyes, but I stopped myself. Johnny was on track with his training. He spent most of his days staring longingly at his phone. I knew he was anticipating that call from the Irish coaches to come soon, and I couldn’t expect him to railroad his life every time something happened to me. This wasn’t my first disaster and it wouldn’t be my last.

Besides, when he goes, you’re going to have to do this on your own.

Because heisleaving, Shannon…

“I need to help my brothers.” I gave him a watery smile. “I’ll call you later.”

Johnny didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue with me. Instead, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, nodded stiffly, and stepped back. I felt the absence of his touch in the deepest part of my soul as I walked away with Darren.

62

Persuasive Fathers

Johnny

Shannon blamed me for what happened today. I fuckingknewshe did, and the worst part of it was knowing she was right. Itwasmy fault. They did that to her because of me. I’d watched her leave school with her brother earlier, knowing full well that I needed to step in and say something to make it right, but I didn’t have the words. I didn’t know how to fix this for her.

Jesus Christ, I was so mad I could practically taste it.

I went to training that evening for no other reason than if I had to sit at home alone with my thoughts and feeling useless, I would lose it. It didn’t help one bit to curb the fury thrashing around inside of me. I couldn’t concentrate worth a damn. Throughout training, my mind was stuck on Shannon. Physio was the same. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I had a little over four days to prepare for what would be the most important meeting of my life, and still I couldn’t get my head in the game.

Fucking Bella.

I knew I’d messed up letting Shannon go home with Darren, but short of shoving her in my car and driving away, what could I do? She said she wanted to go with him. It was a lie. Shannon never wanted to gohome.

Doubt was setting in, unfamiliar and unnerving, and like usual, I began to overthink everything. I had an issue with my brain. It moved too quickly, thought up too much crazy shite, whizzed around too fast. Most of the time, I managed to remain in control with routine and structure, but I was struggling today. That phone call this morning, added with what had happened at school, had thrown my mind into a spin. Everything was up in a heap, my brain cells were shot to shite, and I was second-guessing everything.

When I finally parked up at the back of my house a little after nine that night, I was still bursting with energy. No number of drills, laps, and practice plays had doused the fury blistering inside of me.

Pissed off and anxious, I grabbed my gear bag off the passenger seat and stalked inside, with every intention of wolfing down the contents of whatever Mam had cooking on the stove. However, my appetite evaporated and my feet faltered when I stepped into the kitchen and sawJoeyslumped at the island with his head in his hands. Mam was sitting on the stool opposite him.

Pausing in the doorway, I watched as she pushed a cup toward him. He didn’t take it.

“I think it does matter, Joey,” Mam told him in that tone of voice she used when she was coaxing something out of us when we were kids.Webeing me and Gibsie, because he was the closest thing I had to a brother. “And I think you matter, too.”

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