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“Does that mean—”

“Don’t say it,” I choked out, holding up a hand. “Don’t jinx me.”

“But that’s what it means, right?” Gibsie pushed, eyes alight with pride. “You’ll be in France with the U20s for the first half of June and then on to South Africa for the second half”—his voice rose with excitement—“with thesenior fucking team, Johnny!”

“I might not make it onto either team,” I muttered, trying to keep my feet firmly on the ground. It wasn’t working, though. My heart rate was spiking and panic was setting in. “They might pass me over.”

“For who? Cormac Ryan?” Gibsie scoffed. “You’re the fuckingbest, lad.”

“I don’t know,” I hissed, feeling a little weak. “Jesus Christ, I think I’m having chest pains.”

“Sit down.” Catching ahold of my arm, he led me over to the bench press and pushed me down. “Just put your head down andbreathe.”

“Jesus, I’m dying,” I groaned, pressing my hand to my chest. “Gibs, I think I’m having a heart attack.” Shaking my head, I tried to breathe, but my lungs wouldn’t fill. “I’m suffocating!”

“You’re not dying.” He laughed. “This happened when you got accepted into the Academy, remember? You hid in our tree house crying like a bitch, shouting that you were going into cardiac arrest and begging anyone that looked at you to call an ambulance. Happened when you got the call up for the U18s too. You took to the bed with stroke symptoms. And you didn’t die then either, lad.”

“This is worse, Gibs,” I choked out, clutching my arm. “So much worse.”

“Because this is bigger,” Gibsie explained calmly. “So muchbigger.” Sitting down beside me, he placed a hand on my back and began to rub. “It’s your adrenaline spiking, lad. Just remember that this is agoodthing. You’ve worked your ass off for this, Johnny—since you were six years old. You did the surgery in March. You’ve done all the rehab and hospital bullshit. You’ve followed every order you’ve been given and built your body back up. This is your time!”

“What if it’s not my time?”

“It is,” he assured me.

“But what if—”

“It’s your time,” he repeated firmly. “This is it, lad. Feel it.”

“I’m scared,” I choked out. “I’ve only been back on the pitch a few weeks, lad. What if I’m not—”

“Youareready,” he cut me off by saying. “And you’re better than good enough.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I honestly can’t think of another person who deserves this more than you, Kav.” Sighing contently, he added, “So enjoy this feeling, lad, because this is the start of huge fucking things for you.”

“Yeah.” I forced myself to calm down and breathe. “Fuck, I need to call Shannon.”

“Ah, maybe this is a conversation you should have face-to-face,” Gibsie offered. “Telling your girlfriend that you’re more likely than not leaving for the summer isn’t really text message news, lad.”

“Fuck,” I groaned, dropping my head in my hands. “Shite.” Shannon’s face sparked to life inside of my head, bringing on another set of chest pains. “Oh, Jesus,” I choked out, leaning against him for support. “What am I going to do about Shannon?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a month, Gibs,” I bit out, knees bopping. “I’ll be gone for a month—longer if I make the seniors.”

“I know that,” he replied. “You know that, andsheknows that. So you don’t have to do anything exceptbreathe.”

“I can’t leave her for a month—”

“Johnny, get a fucking handle on yourself,” Gibsie ordered. “This is the Irish squad. Ireland. As in our fucking country. It’s one month and the opportunity of a lifetime. Don’t make me bitch-slap you back to common sense.”

“You’re right,” I muttered, breathing deep and slow. Of course he was right.

But that didn’t make me feel any better.

Releasing a pained growl, I ran a hand through my hair. “Can we just play this down?” I looked at him. “Can you not say anything about this to anyone?”Not to her.“At least until I know for sure?”

“She’s going to be happy for you, Johnny,” he replied. “Shannon loves you, lad. She’s been in your corner since your surgery, willing you to get this shot.”

“I know,” I muttered. “But I just…”I honestly don’t think I can leave her.I shook the crazy thought from my head. “Just keep it to yourself until I’m one hundred percent sure about what’s happening.”

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