Page 154 of Keeping 13

“I’m not going to let him hurt you, Shannon.” He was sitting poker-straight in his seat, eyes trained on the windscreen and gripping the steering wheel with such force that his knuckles had turned white. “I promise.”

I sighed heavily. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He turned to look at me. “Have I let you down yet?”

I shook my head. “N-no.”

He nodded stiffly, eyes blazing with heat. “Then believe me when I say that I won’t let him hurt you again,” he repeated, reiterating every single word slowly. “Never again.” He fastened his seat belt and I did the same. “All I need you to do is keep talking to me,” he added, starting the engine. “Just keep letting me in.” He turned to look at me. “And I’ll keep you safe.”

“Okay,” I breathed, watching him cautiously as he drove us away from the beach. “I will.”

38

Pushing Back

Shannon

“Shan, do you want to keep this?” Darren asked the following Saturday afternoon, as he balanced on a ladder, holding a scraggly-looking teddy bear out to me. “Or will we toss it?”

“Toss it,” I told him, taking the bear and shoving it into one of the overstuffed black bin bags in the landing.

“You used to love that thing,” he mused, sounding a little sad as I tied a knot on the now full bag and tore another one off the roll. “You took it everywhere with you.”

“I liked a lot of things, Darren,” I agreed, opening the new bag. “But I grew up.”

“You used to like me,” he muttered quietly.

“And I’d like you again if you didn’t keep me stuck in this house,” I snapped, flustered. “It’s Saturday.”

“I know,” he agreed with a sigh. “But I need your help cleaning out the attic. We need more space, and if we clear it out, I can move up there and give Joey back his room.”

“This is a joke,” I muttered under my breath. “Our entire family is a joke.”

“Is this about him?” Darren asked. “Is this tantrum because you’re not allowed to go out with him?”

Yes.I hadn’t seen Johnny since school yesterday and I was growing agitated. All week, I’d only been able to spend lunchtime with him, and I was quickly learning that wasn’t enough. Nothing ever seemed to be enough when it came to him. “No,” I snapped, dragging my thoughts back to the present. “It’s because I am sick to death of being a prisoner in this house.” Sighing heavily, I added, “I feel like I am shackled to the walls, Darren. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Well, skipping school to hang out with him isn’t going to do you any favors,” my brother responded. “You were lucky I answered the call from your principal and not Mam,” he added. “I covered for you, remember? Told him you were sick when you were off gallivanting around the countryside withhim.” When I didn’t respond, because quite frankly I didn’t have any excuses, Darren sighed. “Come on, Shannon. It’s your junior cert year. You know you need to put your head down and study for those exams in June. And he shouldn’t be your crutch. It’s not healthy to get so attached to that lad—tempting as he is.”

“He’s not my crutch,” I choked out. “He’s my boyfriend, and it’s okay to want to spend some time with him.”

“Sometime,” Darren agreed. “Notallof your time.”

“I don’t,” I bit out. “I only get to see him at lunch.”

“Well, boyfriend or not, you need to help out with packing these bags, because I can’t clean it all on my own,” Darren replied in a dismissive tone. “Do something productive with your day instead of wasting it pining after some young fella.”

“Do you know how I’ve spent every single Saturday for the last six years?” I asked, and then quickly continued before he had a chance to respond. “Cleaning, Darren. That’s how I’ve spent my Saturdays. Cleaning up after everyone in this house.”

Darren sighed heavily. “Shan, come on.”

“No.” Feeling bitter, I blew out a breath and planted my hands on my hips. “This isn’t fair. You promised it would be different when I came home from the hospital, but it’s not. Nothing changed. She’s still in there—” I pointed to the closed bedroom door behind his back. “Hiding away from her responsibilities, while I’m still out here cleaning up after everyone, and Joey is still dragging the boys along to their training and matches. The only difference now is that I have company.” I gave him a meaningful look to let him know thathewas the company. “That’s the only difference I can see here, Darren.”

“Really? Because I see things a bit differently,” he growled, climbing down from the ladder. “For a start, Da’s not here. Second, the fridge and cupboards are full. Third, none of you are walking around the place covered in bruises—”

“He’s still here, Darren,” I shot back shakily. “He’s just after taking on another form.”

“What are you trying to say, Shannon?” he asked coldly. “Hmm?” Looking furious, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. “Are you calling me our father?”

---