Page 41 of Silent Is The Heart

Shit. No wonder Wolf is looking at me like I’m pathetic. I’m turning into him.

CHAPTER 21

Aaron

“No! Don’t do it!” I cringe watching the actor on the horror flick that Easton chose make terrible life choices. “Oh, God…he did it. He opened the damn door. You’re dead! You know that, right? Ugh.”

Groaning, I pinch my eyes closed and shake my head, unable to watch the predictability that I know is coming, but a noise next to me draws me from my revulsion of poor cinema.

Easton.Bellylaughing.

Is there a better sound in existence? I don’t even care that it’s at my expense.

Jason always looked mildly annoyed watching movies like this with me. He’d change the channel, thinking it would solve my crisis, when really being vexed by the film was more preferable than not discovering if my predictions would be proven right.

Watching Easton’s body shake as he tries to contain his laughter where we’re lounging on my couch like pod people, I want to hug him for the simple act of not changing the channel. I want to thank him for enjoying one more of my idiosyncrasies. And I kind of want to kiss him for a million other little reasons that have happened over the last two monthssince he showed up on my doorstep with tacos and a rubber chicken puzzle.

Last weekend, he took me to his secret swimming spot on the opposite side of the lake near an abandoned water pump shed. I’m only guessing it’s a secret because he coyly said,‘If no one knows where to find me, I’m probably here, so don’t tell anybody.’

The water was so cold, I don’t know how we didn’t get hypothermia, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat to relive one particular moment.

I slipped on a rock under the surface and nearly submerged until he caught me, or so I thought. As soon as he helped me get my footing, the sneak dunked me. I came up sputtering, shoving him for payback, but it ended with us in each other’s arms. The frigidness of the water died away and there was this pull between us making me warm all over. I wish I could play the memory back from the outside looking in so I could see if I moved in closer, he did, or both of us. Whatever happened, he turned abruptly and swam away like it was forgotten, nothing.

He had said he comes there to think. Did I ruin that sacred place for him by reading the moment wrong? Regardless, there are other moments I don’t think I’ve read wrong.

It feels like something is happening between us. When he took me to Pulse two weeks ago, I thought maybe it would be a replay of the first time I was there–minus me running out into the alley in tears. This time, I was prepared. Excited even. He was sweet, and playful, and open, but then…nothing. He helped me to the door when Wolf dropped me off, but unlike at the club, there wasn’t a kiss goodnight on the cheek. Was I foolish to hope for one?

It wasn’t the first time he’s done something like that. More and more, there are little touches. Grazes of his hand. Sweet pecks on my head when he walks by like he’s sneaking them in while he’s on the move. He never pauses long enough for something more.

The thing is, though…I want more. I’ve decided I want his mouth on mine again with no regrets or doubts this time. No guilt. I’m sure of it.

Laughter tamped down to a snicker now, he reaches into the popcorn bowl on his lap. Does he know how many times I’ve snuck peeks at the way his long legs are stretched out, stocking clad feet resting on the coffee table? I like how comfortable he looks sitting on this couch next to me. I like the idea of it becoming permanent.

The skin at the base of my neck tingles, and I have to steady my breathing when I realize why. It’s his fingertips, tracing little circles over my Tshirt at the base of my neck.

Sometimes the way we joke around makes me forget that I’m the older man. Maybe Easton’s waiting for me to give him a few more green lights, just…not in his secret thinking place. Jason was seven years older than me, and he’s the one who made all the first moves. I’m so hapless that I’d have had no clue what to have said to him and probably wouldn’t have ended up married if he hadn’t initiated.

I’ve never had a friend who’s drawn imaginary circles on my body like this. The way he kissed me at Pulse that first night–there was so much passion there. Granted, it kind of felt like I was being devoured, and I don’t exactly remember all of it since I was so out of my damn mind, but I kept telling myself he only did it thinking I’d be a fling.

A guy who shows up regularly for movies, stay-at-home dinners, and puzzle nights isn’t just looking for a fling, though. No. Something has definitely changed between us, and I know I’m not the only one feeling it.

Slowly, I ease further down into the cushions, slumping into him as I go so my head is practically resting on his shoulder. “I’m glad my cinema hostility amuses you.”

Snorting, he gives my hair a playful tug. “I had no idea you had it in you to be so aggressive.”

“Aggressive?I’m just stating the obvious. It’s frustrating that every horror movie ever made has the same red flags.” The killer pops out of the bushes at that exact moment, and it’s all downhill for the supporting actor. “Do you see?” I shout, pointing at the television. “He’s dead!Why?Because he wentoutside.Alone!I fucking called it.How?Because they’re all the damn same. Ugh. What a dumbass.”

His body jostles mine on another round of belly laughter. “Oh, my gosh.Youare out of control. Excuse me! Now hear this! Aaron Manicki just used swear words!” he exclaims holding his hands outward like he’s making an announcement.

“You swear all the time!”

“Ido.” He nods, his tone sage as he bops me on the nose, “notAaron Manicki. If you start throwing popcorn, we’re signing you up for anger management.”

“Oh, brother,” I sputter, swatting his hand away. “You make it sound like I have a problem. I cannot be the only person who gets aggravated by ridiculous plots.”

Squeezing my shoulder, he leans closer and whispers, “I know this will be difficult for you, but if you can make something nice come out of your mouth for the next five minutes, I might believe you.”

Watching his lips move, I picture something so nice it steals my breath. I’m ready. I know I am. I’m sure there are parts of me that aren’t fully healed from losing Jason and from the mystery of his spending habits that I’ve discovered since his death, but maybe we’re not meant to fully heal. Maybe scars form and we grow from them.

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