Page 16 of Silent Is The Heart

I’m doing all right, I sign, downplaying my status. I’ve never been so grateful that my flat is as messy as it is right now. The satisfaction of allowing him to think I’m some tatted, speech-impaired ruffian is sheer gold. I didn’t know disappointing someone could be so rewarding.

Wolf steps forward hesitantly, as though my signing is a traffic-control signal that will crash a plane if he gets too close. I nearly forgot he was still here, hovering in the background, watching this awkward show.

The concerned look on his face tamps down my agitation. He knows me well enough to know when I’m annoyed, unlikethe self-centered speech pathologist pretending he gives a damn. He also knows I have no love lost for Hampton Hills or anyone associated with it.

“Hey, man. I’m gonna take off,” he says. With his back to Aaron, he signs for my eyes only.You cool here?

Over Wolf’s shoulder, I can see we’ve captured Aaron’s attention, the odd man out, desperate for knowledge. A wicked idea curls around my brain. This is going to be awkward, but fuck it. I don’t have any other tricks up my sleeve at the moment.

Wrapping my hand around the back of Wolf’s neck, I tug him to me and crash my mouth onto his. Yup. Totally awkward. He grunts as I slant and make purposeful smacking noises with my lips, creating a naughty sensory effect. It’s all I can do not to bust up laughing at hiswhat-the-fuckexpression as he grips my shoulder to keep his balance. Perfect. I hope it makes him look like he’s embracing me.

Pulling back, the smile I flash him is genuine over my quick thinking. I run my hand down his arm, like a lover who just delivered a parting kiss. When I take a peek at Aaron, who’s studying my floor, I can tell by the color in his prissy cheeks and the way he’s shifting his stance that he caught the whole thing.

“O-kay,” Wolf says, clearing his throat and wiping his mouth. He’s discombobulated, but God bless him. His gaze shifts to Aaron and then back like he gets that I’m up to something. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you later, then?”

I sink my teeth into my lower lip like he’s a tasty morsel that I can’t wait until‘later’to have and nod. The eye roll he flashes me says he’s going to kill me for this, but I don’t care. When he turns, I swat his ass, making him jolt. Aaron flinches. The look on his face is priceless, cheeks and ears bright red.

Wolf lets out a nervous laugh, sparing me a glance, then musters a smile for Aaron. “Nice to meet you.”

“Y-yeah. You too,” Aaron replies, hands stuffed into his khakis like if he closes in on himself it will protect him from the ambiance of vulgarity I’ve set into motion.

“Bye… lover,” Wolf says at the door, practically glaring at me.

I’m going to have to work a lot of overtime or go to more festivals. Fuck.

When the door clicks shut, it’s just me and Aaron Manicki, alone in a room together for the first time in eight years. It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the building, but then I notice his mouth is still open, floundering in surprise.

Right. That was one thing we never established during our sessions.

Yeah, I want to tell him.You’re not the only one who kisses men. Didn’t stick around long enough to find that out. Did you?

I’m doing an admirable job of maintaining a sated air, a ruse of a man who experienced an evening of debauchery. Still high on the satisfaction over his discomfort, I casually tousle my damp hair with one hand and sign with the other.

You need me to sign papers or something? Proof of life for your report?

“What?” His face crumples in confusion. “N-no. I…There’s no report. This was more of a social call. I came because… because I wanted to make sure you were okay…just for my own peace of mind.”

Aw, how sweet. I focus on the selfish part of his statement—forhispeace of mind. The memories of foolish teenage fantasies and pitiful feelings of abandonment and betrayalchurn inside me. I sign carelessly, narrowing my eyes at the window like something in the view is holding my interest.

Cool. I’ve got to get ready for work. Thanks for stopping by. Just show yourself out. Okay?

With a tight smile, I throw a nod toward the door and then stride back to my bedroom. Every step away from him makes my lungs ache. Which is fucking absurd. Deep down, I know I have no right to be pissed off at him. I didn’t have to believe all his bullshit. And I’m the one who chose to play mute just now.

Fuck! Why did he come here? It’s been eight years—why do I still want his approval?

Stopping at my nightstand, I let out a breath and try to wipe the tension from my face with my hands. Where is my satisfaction? Would I feel better if I’d taken a different approach and bragged about my successes? The thought of hearing him praise me for them like a puppy that just took its first shit outside makes my skin crawl. My hang-ups over him are like a damn sickness.

The floor creaks behind me, making my heart skip a beat. The loose board by my bedroom doorway—he followed me.

Trembling, incapable of speech—as if I haven’t already lost all my senses—my cock twitches at the thought of Aaron in my bedroom. I hate how it means he still owns a part of me, something broken and needy deep inside. Except, my fantasies aren’t the same as they were eight years ago. The one flashing through my head right now involves me grabbing two fistfuls of his sweater and tossing him on the bed, rumpling his buttoned-up exterior. Crashing my lips hard onto his mouth, eating his soul with my tongue. Plowing my fingers through his perfect hair. Ripping off buttons, leaving little bite marks on his flawless skin. Hearing him moan, watching him writhebeneath me, begging me to fuck him as I tease him until he loses his mind. Turning him into the wild animal I’ve let him think I’ve become.

But I don’t do any of that.

The most resourceful thing I’ve taught myself is to not give in to impulse. I hook my thumb under my towel and let it drop to the floor. The sound of his gasp sends a tremor through me, rushing blood to my groin and causing a burst of victory to explode in my chest.

Sweeping my hair back, I turn toward him as though I didn’t know I had an intruder and meet his gaze, or rather I attempt to. His eyes travel up the length of me, starting at my heavy cock, not erect but no longer flaccid under his perusal. Hand to his stomach, he gapes when he meets my eyes.

“I…I…”

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