Page 81 of The Idiot

I dump the rest of my coffee down the drain and rinse my cup, eager to flee before I say the wrong thing. I’d never forgive myself if I outed Jesse—not that Mom would say a word, but I don’t want to scare him off and ruin my chance.

“Murphy Malone,” she calls in a warning tone that has the hairs on the back of my neck standing at attention. “You’ve never lied to me. There’s no need to start now.”

Fuck.

Fuck.

I haven’t. I don’t. Having parents who loved and accepted you for who you were at a young, impressionable age made it easy to be honest with them about everything else. I knew I’d never be judged, so I either kept things to myself or told them the God’s honest truth, with no in-between.

So, why don’t I want to turn around right now and face her?

“He… followed me on the cruise when he thought I was mad at him,” I confess. “And things… happened.” Gripping the edge of the sink, I let out a defeated breath at the relief of sharing my secret. “They’re still happening, but… his familydoesn’t know, so please don’t mention anything to Lorraine or the Carvers. Okay?”

When she doesn’t respond, I turn around. I don’t think I’ve ever seen more surprise on her face, which is odd considering she just gave me the third-degree about his bogus camping trip story and the underwear. Of course, they’re not my underwear. I’m not her favorite son. I’m heronlyson. Fucking Jesse.

“You and Jesse?” she says like she’s in a daze. “Really?”

Scrubbing at the back of my neck, I have to fight the stupid smile that wants to take over my face. It’s too nice hearing ‘you and Jesse’ as a sentence.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re… dating?”

Dating… A barrage of sounds and visions of Jesse each time he comes and cries out assaults me, making me want to crawl underneath the kitchen table. No, not exactly dating.

“We’re… figuring things out.”

Why is she frowning? Setting her cup down, she shifts in her chair. Her words come out way too delicate for my liking. “Youare orJesseis?”

That hurts. Damn, it hurts. It’s like the question just stabbed me in the chest. It’s the same question I’ve been silently asking myself for weeks.

“I’m sorry, Murphy, but I’ve seen you be in love with that boy for years. I just want to make sure you’re not getting your hopes up if it’s not reciprocated.”

I can’t take the sight of the evident worry on her face. Pushing off the counter, I bend down and kiss the top of her head. “It’s fine. We’ll be fine.”

Grabbing my laundry basket, I force a smile to reassure her, much like the one she gives me in return. As I walk out of the room, I try to ignore the feeling that it’s the first time we’ve both lied to each other.

CHAPTER 29

Murphy

“Can I have ice creamnow?” Jesse’s nephew asks his mother.

“Bradley, no. Not until you finish your dinner. That was the deal,” Miranda warns.

“But I did! I’m done! See.”

“Really? What isthat? That looks like about two more bites of grandma’s hashbrown casserole if you ask me.”

Next to me, Cameron covers his smirk over Jesse’s barely checked hysteria where my friend is seated next to poor, unsuspecting Bradley. I’d probably share in Jesse’s amusement over his stealthy transfer of food from his plate to Bradley’s for the last twenty minutes if it felt like I was part of the audience.

I’m at the end of the Carvers’ dining table where the only two free chairs were when we sat down. I can’t be sure, but I’m guessing whatever Jesse murmured to Miranda’s husband was a request to take Craig’s seat at the opposite end by Jesse’s dad—as far away from me as possible. I feel like some obscure relative that gets an obligatory invite but that no one talks to.

“Is he always like this?” Cameron whispers to me.

Okay, so the only one not talking to me is Jesse. Cameron has been as pleasant and welcoming as the rest of the Carverfamily. However, all that anyone has talked to me about is Jesse, like we’re a package deal when it’s glaringly obvious to me we’re not.

“Tormenting five-year-olds?” I throw out rhetorically. “No, he doesn’t discriminate based on age. Best you stay on alert.”

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